Simply Perfect

It's fun, it's light, [but] it has a hard time when its tries to get heavy.

If the ambition is to provide two hours of instantly forgettable, popcorn-munching escapism, it succeeds.

Excellent and certainly provocative... If nothing else, the film is a real conversation starter.

When a grieving widow (Moeller) discovers that a prehistoric shark – Megalodon – is responsible for the death of a swimmer, he suspects it might also be the same shark that killed his wife and two other divers several years earlier. Convincing newly appointed micro-biologist (Stinshoff) proves relatively easy, but she's oblivious to the grand scheme that has created the giant shark from living DNA recovered from a frozen specimen found in the Antarctic. Of all places to base a cutting edge cancer research facility, no doubt the idyllic Mediterranean tax haven of Mallorca would be the most sensible. At least that's what the makers of this film would have the audience believe.The over-used CGI shark is typically unrealistic and so out-of-proportion and scale that it scarcely conjures any excitement or thrills. Even the shark swarm in the first scene is disappointing, once again courtesy of the CGI effects that give every attack a video-game quality. This German production's English dubbing is some of the worst (and unintentionally hilarious) you'll come across – the sight of big Ralf running down the beach shouting "Shugalum, shugalum" (that's meant to be "shark alarm, shark alarm" in Bavarian accent) a dozen times will have you in stitches. At least the producers had the foresight to anticipate the drudgery to which this would ultimately amount, and incorporated some quirky humour to lighten up the tone. There's a number of genuine laughs (as opposed to the unintentional ones) throughout, one in particular paying homage to "The Terminator" which works well. The obese BBQ chef and his bevy of scantily clad accoutrements who lends Ralf a luxury car or two is also a comic highlight.But despite the eclectic editing, sometimes witty dialogue, postcards of Mallorca and stylish stunt-work (some great car maneuvers and helicopter acrobatics), there's little else to recommend this movie, which borrows heavily from several others of the ilk ("Deep Blue Sea" in particular), but achieves much less. Hanselmann's bikini-clad villainy is perhaps the most worthwhile aspect in this whole travesty; that or Ralf's physique, depending on your persuasion. Either way, it's not enough to entertain a second time.

To be honest, before watching "Haialarm auf Mallorca"- "World Premier on RTL", I really had no expectations whatsoever. Now I have to say: this film is even a disgrace for the cheesiest German channel RTL (apart from RTL 2 and Super RTL). As you may have supposed the film is about a deadly dangerous super killer shark murdering people in Mallorca for no reasons. But there is hope for the terrified people of Mallorca. The great hero Ralf Moeller fights against the injustice, bravely challenging the epic monster, which isn't even identifiable nearly throughout the film. Having experienced a shark attack himself, in fact, years ago when his wife got raped, he has the opportunity to revenge now. However he has to bother with greedy scientists and corrupt police... Will justice win and the people of Mallorca have their own peaceful life back? You are going to have to see if you bother watching this masterpiece. T his horribly animated film would have been a great contender for the worst film of the year if it hadn't been German. The story is obviously rubbish and the acting wooden. Even the shark is not scary. As a German you have to hope this movie doesn't reach a wider audience than Germany. But I'm sure it wont as there are heaps of real good films, obviously not produced by RTL. To be fair with the entire film crew, you will at least have a funny evening with a sufficient amount of alcohol and a nice company. I'm, hence, going to give this rubbish a 2.

Flimsy story that works for teenagersWhere to begin, where to stop, in this 'Jaws' rip off made for TV?Rolf Moeller plays a tough former marine diver, living with his daughter all alone on the Spanish island Mallorca. A shark is roaming the waters, but not your ordinary shark. An ancient species supposedly extinct since 100.000 years. A couple of people die, till the secret of the sharks existent is revealed and Rolf could finish his personal vendetta, since this very shark had killed his wife three year back…Did you notice Rolf never took his shirt of in this flick? Great you hire 6'6' actor Moeller and have him act in a leather jacket on a summer vacation island. I don't expect Rolf to act, but pump it up man… The story is so flimsy its real hard not to laugh all the time through. Best part is Janet Biedermann, (German starlet) who appears out of nowhere so she can plug her singing career. SFX on the shark aren't too bad for TV, while the sharks teeth are simply laughable. RTL produced this mindless story and shoots huge ratings, that's how TV works – unfortunately

*SPOILERS AHEAD* Well, what could I say about this "movie"... it's one of these movies where you wish you could sue someone to get the time wasted back, and you could also sue for the pain endured while watching it. 3 elements make this movie a pain:a "plot" which doesn't deserve this name. A man wants to kill the prehistoric shark (!) that killed his wife. Jurassic Park meets Jaws. Yawn. Besides missing any scientific logic, you will quickly start to realize that most roles in this movie are only clichés being filled: the German hero (ex-navy diver), the lazy Spanish policeman (who always looks stressed), the Spanish crook (played by a German with a whig on...), the good and the bad scientists (the good happening to fly helicopters in her leisure-time), etc...Bad acting. There is bad acting due to poor directors and bad acting due to poor actors. Here we have both. Its hard to fill a role which consists of saying highlights like "Sharks eat people", but at least try to look credible when you have to say such a thing.Computer effects which make Tron from 1982 look like the latest of special effects. Sharks (the secret heroes of this movie) which look fake. Not just a bit fake, but VERY fake (you can see that already in the beginning of the movie where sharks attack divers in a cage).In resume, no plot + bad acting + bad computer effects = painI' ll give it a 0,5 out of 5 stars for all the kerosene used in the helicopter-scenes.