Waste of time

Simply Perfect

This is a gorgeous movie made by a gorgeous spirit.

This is a dark and sometimes deeply uncomfortable drama

Good: The story could be interesting. Bad: The dialog is terrible, the filming is terrible, the CG is way beyond bad.(Poor use of it, not the quality.)It's like they had a free pass to not give a care about what they put together because it was cheap. I honestly believe that it was shot, and edited in two days, then hours later slipped in the redbox that I rented it from. To top it off, I didn't even pay for it and yet I'm still offended that I wasted my rental on this. I think that they didn't even read the scrip before they shot it, then didn't watch it before they released it. There is more directing and editing talent in an adult films than in this film.Unless you enjoy amateur films, and I mean REALLY amateur films, don't waste your time.

terrible acting. I now that emotions and American actors do not always mix good but this is truly terrible acting. In the Netherlands we call this "kijk Ike spiel ton eel" acting. Which is could be translated as:"look at me audience I am acting"-wink. What it means is that the actor tries to feel the emotion by convincing himself of it in a rational way. The emotion does not enter the stomach, therefor you cannot read what he thinks in the autocue behind his eyes. The most simple way tot do this can even be done rationally by putting a mantra of thoughts in your head. Try it: keep repeating the line:"I hate you"and ask your girlfriend for a cup of coffee. You will properly won't get it.Now B movies can be fun when the acting and the surrounding still is a parody. Bat taste for instance is absurd and the actors now and respect that. When actors try to act in a style that is different form the style of the movie, then as a viewer I get a feeling of discontent. I have to say that I did not watch the entire movie and I hope you do not as well, it is a waste of time.

I don't know why Army of the Dead works; it just does. It doesn't do anything particularly well, and its story is filled with so many historic inaccuracies that it's almost laughable, but who cares. Army of the Dead is one of those things that horror fans spend weeks longing for, a good cheesy horror flick that doesn't take itself too seriously and still manages to deliver some laughs and entertainment… whether it means to or not.In the film, a group of ex-college students all go out on some sort of off-roding expedition as a birthday present to some dude… not my idea of a good time, but some people get a bone for that stuff. Turns out the good professor has an ulterior motive for dragging all of his ex-students out into the Mexican desert, miles away from civilization. He's got half a treasure map in his possession… a treasure map that will lead him to Anasazi gold in Mexico… despite the fact that none of the Anasazi ever lived in Mexico. Anyways, the genius professor meets up with a group of white dudes who have the other half of the map… and then they go into a cave full of Anasazi treasure… sadly, when they touch the gold they awaken an army of the dead. The army of the dead is led by the ghost of Vasco Da Gama for some reason… even though he never set foot in North America, and his creepy, skeleton ass leads a horde of Army of Darkness-style skeletons across the empty canyons and hills to take their revenge on the greedy intruders… which just happen to include the professor's unknowing graduates who are warming themselves next to a fire with bottles of tequila, lots of them. Will they survive the night or be shot to death with flaming arrows and ripped apart by swords? Joseph Conti does an alright job of directing and he appears to have figured out a way to work past an obviously measly budget… rent a bunch of cars and drive around the wilderness. Then have your actors camp out underneath the stars, get drunk, and have relationship problems. It's not the most exciting thing in the world, but Conti works with what he has very well. Within the confines of a small budget and some poor special effects, Conti manages to create a fairly interesting film with a serious tone and some moments of solid storytelling, which, though factually inaccurate in a laughable manner, still manages to keep the film from sinking into the realm of straight to DVD garbage.The acting in the film is typical low-budget garbage and no one really stands out as anything special. The characters walk around and deliver their lines as if acting is something new to them, but no one ever gets bad enough to ruin the film.The most compelling aspect of the film is its low-rent special effects. Normally I hate cheap CGI, but for some reason, it actually worked in this film. The special effects are very reminiscent of the skeleton work in Army of Darkness and there are quite a few of them. Sometimes there is some telling doubling and synchronization of the army of skeletons, but for the most part, when they are by themselves, they look pretty cool. The CGI gore even had a nice level of cheese factor as it sprayed nicely. It still looks fake as hell, but the kind of fake that seems to have some effort behind it.Army of the Dead isn't anything truly groundbreaking but it is a nice diversion from the piles and piles of truly horrible garbage that get foisted upon the horror-loving public. It does a few things well, and avoids doing anything truly terrible… besides not knowing that Vasco Da Gama never made it to North America.Final Synopsis: If you're Jonson' for some horror, Army of the Dead will do in a pinch. It's not the type of movie anyone is going to buy, but it is good for a few laughs. Give it a rent if you got nothing else better to do than watch the ghost of Vasco Da Gama cut down college kids.Points Lost: -1 for some skeleton doubling and synchronization in the CGI department, -1 for some bad acting, -1 for some filler scenes of cars driving, -1 for being laughably inaccurate in the history department Lesson Learned: Never follow anyone out into the desert. When sleeping with a scandalous slut in the vicinity, always look under the sleeping bag before you crawl into bed.Burning Question: How hard is to look up Vasco Da Gama and find out he never came to North America? That's almost unforgivably lazy.Army of the Dead 6/10

On the face of it this sounds like a semi-decent idea for a film. Then a quick look at the cast gives you a very bad feeling. I already predict lots of the cast are going to die as their all total unknowns.Unfortunately I can't report on if that's the case or not. The film had bored me before it was 10 minutes long. It wasn't going anywhere quickly (always a bad idea in a horror film, 1st law is cut to the chase!)I gave up on it and this is much as I can say. If you watch more than 10 minutes you've got more patience for the movie than I did.It had a decent enough start with the Spanish soldiers fighting the skeletons but then too much dialogue and story set-up getting to no action. There may have been action later, I was too bored to stick with it.Not for those with low boredom thresholds.