Undescribable Perfection

That was an excellent one.

Lack of good storyline.

Actress is magnificent and exudes a hypnotic screen presence in this affecting drama.

Low-budget, derivative "Alien" shlock about an Antarctic base which is being tormented by a creature that killing off base members. It starts out scary enough: one guy who is doing menial grunt work and complaining about it gets swept into a liquid vat by the unseen creature and presumably eaten. Others are beginning to disappear too. So far, so good. Until we finally figure out that we're being stalked by a prehistoric trilobite, which is pretty ridiculous because trilobites were a couple of inches long; even the largest trilobites measured up at 2 feet and were still dwarfed by this human-sized thing. No matter. If you're in the mood to to suspend reality and say, OK, let's just run with the economy-sized trilobite concept, the movie has other flaws. The special effects are pretty bad. The trilobite looks like it's made of spray-painted foam. The only scary part of the second half of the movie is when some old, hairy geezer has a shower scene and gets killed by the trilobite. (There are several attractive women in the movie, and they save the shower scene for the old dude with hair on his back?!?!?) Other than that, this is pretty formulaic. We have the "five minutes of scientific explanation" scene, the "climactic confrontation" scene and the "we think we killed it, but unbeknownst to us the monster is up for one last stand" scene (in this case, there's a daddy trilobite that's the size of a dinosaur that has been hiding throughout the movie, apparently until just the right time). The movie is also agonizingly slow until things pick up in the final 15 minutes. Was looking forward to this movie but it rates a disappointing 3.

"Iced Crawlers" is a by-the-book creature feature.**SPOILERS**At a secret Antarctic base, teacher Ted Jacobson, (David Milbern) and students Curtis, (Allen Lee Haff) Arianna, (Karen Nieci) Tom, (Howard Holcomb) Kate, (Rebekah Ryan) and Update, (David Lenneman) arrive to do some extra credit work in each of their different fields. The project leaders, Nelson, (Gotz Otto) and Dr. Monica Kelsey, (Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld) are upset about their lack of experience in the real world, but once their actual mission is revealed, they all express the desire to leave earlier. A strange series of deaths strikes the camp, keeping them trapped in the station. Finally getting a clue as to what's been behind the attacks, they band together to survive the creatures attacking the crew.The Good News: There is a few decent qualities to this film. First off, I actually enjoyed the creatures in here. It's a big improvement over the usual bugs and giant insect swarms that tend to dominate these kinds of films. Having the creature in here is a bit of a plus and gives it a slight degree of originality in a big sea of unoriginality. They even looked pretty decent, and came across quite well, especially the one at the end. It's a big shame it wasn't on more, it really looked impressive and quite nice looking. It even caused a few halfway nice sequences along the way. The easiest one to determine this was the mineshaft chase, a long chase through the bowels of the station and out into the hallways and down into an elevator, with the frequently-used suspense-building trick of the chased victim frantically pressing a button hoping it would close before it got to the door. Here's a great example of that, and it comes off quite nicely. Even though there isn't a lot of gore, the pretty decent sized body count is a little consolation, offering up some thrills here and there. These are the main things about it, though.The Bad News: This is just a plain, by-the-numbers creature feature affair. There's really nothing here to distinguish it from just about all the other monster films out there, except for the setting. There's generally no surprises and it plays itself out pretty straightforward, which makes this a pretty skip-able in the stakes and not really be out of the loop. All the plot points are there as well: the threat attacks a loner in the prologue, the introduction of the characters with barely a warning of who's who, the eventual study of the problem that discovers the threat, the discovery of the truth for the expedition, and the quick turnaround by a character previously thought to be bad. It's all been done before to much better results in the other section that this one might not be seen as a top priority much. It's all so predictable that it never even tries to change up the formula, which is what makes these movies fun. That's the biggest problem, but the ending, which not only is so rushed and over so quickly that it barely leaves an impression even after just viewing it, but it also stretches the laws of credibility to the point that it's just unbelievable. In no way would that scenario ever play out in a modern world, and it really doesn't work. An original but annoying trick right before a person is going to get killed where a couple of flashes of earlier scenes with the victim has potential, but it quickly wears old. There's a few more things wrong, but they don't need to be revealed here.The Final Verdict: This is just a little bit below decent fare for creature feature films, and might hold some interest for hardcore fans of the genre, but will more likely have more of an impact on those that love cheesy films or the low-grade entertainment.Rated R: Graphic Violence, Graphic Language and Brief Nudity

I only saw this movie because of Allen Lee Haff being in it, but I have to say that, even though it wasn't the best horror movie (can you call it a horror movie if it's not scary?) I've seen, it wasn't the worst. It certainly surpassed Rodentz! But anyway, the movie was okay, and I liked the different storyline. There were a few scenes that looked kinda fake, but a few that had some good effects to them. There was one scene though, the really ticked me off. In one scene, it shows the "creature" chasing after Allen and Rebekah's characters after it finished killing someone, and Allen has a gun, but he doesn't shoot the thing! He just runs away with the others, ending up in a situation with the creature, where he falls about 2 flights of stairs and wrestles with the creature, only to get a tiny scratch on his face and his shirt a little bit dirty. Come on. It was also amusing that Allen's character, who was supposed to be southern,-I think from Texas-kept losing his accent every now and then. Ha! The ending was rather stereotypical as well, but you gotta do something I guess. But sad to say, I kinda liked the movie, and not just because I got some Allen eye candy.~K~

Awful film about an Antarctic (hang on...) research team (THAT sounds familiar) who have discovered a strange lifeform frozen in the ice (you guessed it). Said lifeform (a big flesh-eating bug) goes on the rampage. Terrible acting, trite script and poor ("poor" as in: "you will laugh with your friends and make fun of the film-makers who poisoned the world with this trash") special effects. It even goes as far as using unused footage from The Thing (shots of the camp from outside, and **PLOT SPOILER (not that you'll care)** when the camp blows up at the end PLOT Spoiler END (aren't you glad I warned you?)**)! Save your money and see The Thing instead, or perhaps hire a prostitute from your local escort agency - that's what the film-makers should have done. Or at least given the money spent on "Deep Freeze" to a script that deserved it.