The Worst Film Ever

Such a frustrating disappointment

Although it has its amusing moments, in eneral the plot does not convince.

In truth, there is barely enough story here to make a film.

This film dates from Burt Lancaster's swashbuckling period when he was trying to inherit Errol Flynn's mantle as Hollywood's leading action hero. "The Flame and the Arrow", for example, is a disguised remake of Flynn's greatest hit, "The Adventures of Robin Hood", with the story transferred from England to Italy, and "The Crimson Pirate" is in the same tradition as Flynn's "The Sea Hawk".It has long been an Anglo-American jibe that the Foreign Legion is the greatest fighting force in the French Army "because it has no Frenchmen in it", and the exploits of the Legion have always been popular with film-makers. Although many Americans in the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries were opposed to European colonialism, such opinions were rarely reflected in Hollywood films- "The Hurricane" from the late thirties is an exception- and "Ten Tall Men", which is set during the Rif War of the 1920s, takes a firmly pro- French position. Morocco was still a French colony in 1951, and the producers may have thought that an anti-colonialist stance would not go down well in the French market.The film has something in common with the Gregory Peck Western "Only the Valiant" which appeared in the same year. In that film Peck plays a US cavalry officer who commands a small force tasked with holding off the Indians for long enough to allow reinforcements to reach a garrison threatened with attack. Here Lancaster plays Mike Kincaid, an American- born sergeant with the Legion, who commands a small force (the "ten tall men" of the title) tasked with holding off the Rifs for long enough to allow reinforcements to reach the threatened city of Tarfa. In both cases the small hand-picked force is largely recruited from the inmates of a military prison. (Kincaid himself has been imprisoned for striking an obnoxious Lieutenant in defence of a lady).The main difference is that "Only the Valiant" took this scenario seriously, whereas "Ten Tall Men" is, by and large, a comedy, or at least a comedy/action hybrid. (In common with a number of films which tried to combine humour with adventure, the Bob Hope vehicle "The Paleface" being another example, there is a surprisingly high death toll). As part of his plan to foil the raid on Tarfa, Kincaid kidnaps Mahla, the beautiful fiancée the of villainous Rif leader Caid Hussein and, inevitably, the two end up falling in love. (It seems to be a widely-held belief in Hollywood that the quickest way to a woman's heart is to kidnap her). Equally inevitably, Mahla is played by an American actress, Jody Lawrance, rather than a Moroccan one."Ten Tall Men" is a better film than "Only the Valiant", which even Peck acknowledged as one of his weakest, precisely because the latter treats an implausible scenario seriously, whereas the former takes a very similar scenario and treats it in a more light-hearted manner. As a swashbuckling hero Lancaster was not in the same league as Flynn- he was to achieve more later in his career when he reinvented himself as a serious actor- but here he is charismatic enough to keep the film watchable, with the aid of some well-handled action sequences. 6/10

Despite the presence of Burt Lancaster, this is a very ordinary sort of French Foreign Legion film. You certainly WON'T be reminded of "Beau Geste" when you see "Ten Tall Men".Lancaster plays a trouble-loving sergeant. However disrespectful and crazy he behaves, however, he's loyal and very brave. So, when he hears that the evil Hussin is planning an attack, he's quick to volunteer to take a group of nine men and try to delay Hussin's men. But, when they arrive in his camp in disguise, they learn that Hussin is about to marry the daughter of his hated rival from another clan. And, in doing so, he'll united the clans and be strong enough to beat the Legion. So, they impulsively decide to kidnap the lady--figuring that this way the two tribes will not become one. Much of the rest of the film consists of Lancaster and his men running from the pursuers.I assume that if you love the colonial system, you will be more favorably disposed towards this film. After all, if you think about it, you could just as easily root for the rebels as they are trying to rid their land of foreign invaders. As for me, the deciding factor for not loving the film had much more to do with the very pedestrian nature of the movie. Nothing caught my interest and it seemed more like a B-movie with color than anything else. It had a lot of clichés (such as the falling in love bit that came from out of no where) and an ending that just seemed rushed and, again, clichéd. Not a terrible film--just not a good one either.By the way, look for Robert Clary (of "Hogan's Heroes" fame) in a small part as one of the natives.

This is a great movie for just watching and enjoying. No overwhelming drama, no thought to guess the plot or who-done-it, just good old fashioned entertainment. Burt Lancaster shines in a way only he can. The jokes are funny, lines memorable (mamasita, what a rap she gave me... Khassein is a lump of evil smelling goat cheese) the girls are pretty and it rolls along as you "listen to the squeaking of the little mouse". Just enjoy yourself, if you miss a few minutes in the kitchen it won't throw you off the plot. It's great to see REAL actors displaying their craft in a time period when talent was more important than looks, bra size and CGI. If you want drama, go find Wuthering Heights and get your fill.

The French Foreign Legion movie usually ranked as one of Hollywood's most enjoyable sub-genres, and this is a good though undistinguished example of it. If it doesn't quite match 1953's "Desert Legion," it's probably because of a tongue-in-cheek tone which sometimes seems a bit juvenile, and because of an unconvincing leading lady -- Jody Lawrance -- who seems more North Hollywood than North Africa. However, Burt Lancaster shone in this kind of adventure and you don't have to wait long before he has his shirt off in a bathtub scene. He also winds up, as was often the case, in a beefcake-bondage scene which has him bound with outstretched arms inside the villain's tent. "I imagine it'll be dawn before you finally die," the villain says. "I should like to watch your entire performance ... to the very end." The villain then nods toward a wizened Arab who's gleefully heating up a variety of branding irons to be used on Lancaster's sweaty face and naked torso. "You'd be surprised at how much Tarik can get from even the most phlegmatic types."Lancaster's back got lashed in "Rope of Sand" and "Kiss the Blood Off My Hands," so it'd be a switch to see his chest bear the brunt of the torture for a change, but circumstances spare him from such a fate.Incidentally, this being the prudish era of the early 1950s, Lancaster's pants during this bondage scene are worn high enough to cover his navel.