Touches You

Absolutely brilliant

This is a small, humorous movie in some ways, but it has a huge heart. What a nice experience.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

Oh my, it's the, Attack of the beast creatures, (1985) Directed by Michael Stanley, and written by Robert A. Hutton. Spoiler Alert ahead. Not long ago, I was trying to define Cheesy, when it came to movies. I think I've got it. This effort might as well acknowledge the Truth in packaging laws, and call itself, Attack of the puppet hunter dolls. OK, the gimmick worked in Trilogy of Terror (1975) so now we have an island full of them.I have to hand it to this rag tag group of actors, putting their best to make this nonsense, So what have we here? A lifeboat with a handful of survivors, Five guys and Four woman. A usual bland assortment. None of them are schooled in survival skills, nor in self defense. There are the good guys; Robert Nolfi plays John, pals with Case and Phillip, as played by Robert Lengyel and Frank Murgalo, We can tell they are the good guys, they wear ties, halfway through the production. Nobody likes Mr. Morgan played by Robert Furgelusky, No one player memorable, How could they be, given the material they had to work with. I pity the fools. Same could be said for the woman. Underwritten and devoid of personality, save for Mrs Gordon, played by Kay Baily, who everyone likes. The other woman, Cathy and Diane, played by Julia Rust, and Lisa Pac, mostly are called upon to scream and run. Did I mention banal dialogue? "Look, there goes Bill running down the hill, No, don't Stop" They manage to pull off the non monster sequences, hoping that when it comes down to it. the effects won't look as phony as the toys they have to work with. They spin around with these rag dolls taped on them, and act like they are fighting off a savage attack. I am reminded of Lugosi fighting off the rubber Octopus prop,in a swamp. The gore scenes are blatantly phony. This could be said for all the effects in general, I saw the puppeteers hand manipulating the dolls, The "attacking dolls" are tossed haphazardly at the actors, while the sound artists try to figure out what these little hunters battle cry, should sound like. The effects do not match the look of the dolls, we hear the pitter patter of running feet, and the screechy sounds, none of which seem to fit the action. All the while the synthesized soundtrack by John P Mozzi, tries to find a tune to fit the picture, and fails miserably. . Cavernous sounds well up, Rick Wakeman style, and inappropriately. The organ does what a good soundtrack should not, it calls attention to itself, over the action. So this is cheesy On the plus side, the Acid water was an interesting display of originality, what was it doing here? A similar device was used in "The Life of Pi."(2012) The film constantly challenges common sense, and in that it is consistent. that is why the film makes compelling viewing. You find yourself wondering why the girls are still wearing jewelry so late in, why the men don't make weapons, or at least carry sticks. Why they don't find a strategy to fend off the attacks, Nothing nunca, none of the above. I give it Four out of Ten "Inane" Stars

This is one of those oddball sci-fi/horror low budget gore-fests that were common in the '80's. In some ways, it's actually effective at the scares (such as the camp fire scene), and in other places, it's ripe tripe for some MST3K-type riffing (don't know if they ever did this one, but it would have fit right in on that show).Cruise ships have had their share of problems lately, and apparently it wasn't any different in 1985. A distressed cruise ship drops off passengers into life boats, one of which drifts its way to a harmless looking island. The ship wreck survivors soon find out that the shipwreck was just the beginning of their nightmare. The indigenous locals are not great hosts. They're cannibal pygmies that look scary at night, and hilariously silly in daylight. And they're hungry since it's been a while since their last food supply of ship wrecked cruise ship tourists ran out some time ago. They resemble zombies in their attacks but can dart around much faster. They also have weird faces. And they have an idol; this to me was one of the funniest scenes.It's a battle for survival, complete with a clichéd loud mouth character, questionable acting skills, unwise close-up shots of the pygmies, screaming by pretty girls, and lots of bloodied and mauled victims. The format is a typical "getting picked off one at a time" piece, but works even though it's obvious who's next each time.Very entertaining, whichever way you approach it: as a cheap scares low budget horror flick, or a laugh riot at where the low budget is most obvious.

With a title like ATTACK OF THE BEAST CRETURES you're certainly not expecting CITIZEN KANE but even with very low expectations this is a dreadful movie and what let's it down is the technical aspects . " What technical aspects Theo? " Exactly . From the very opening frame of the film you know you're going to be watching a shipwreck of a movie In fact everything about the film can be summed up by the opening . We have a totally inappropriate soundtrack played on a synthesiser . Michael Mann's THE KEEP also a bizarre soundtrack that feels it belongs to an entirely different movie but at least that film redeemed itself by some great cinematography and camera work . Here it seems the director took his mates on a day trip to the beach . Everything about the movie screams amateur film maker Perhaps the most noticeable thing is the acting or rather the lack of it . I genuinely thought this was an Italian movie badly dubbed in to English . It's certain ly got that vibe where any emotion or inflexion in the voices is totally negated by other people calmly talking their lines as in " Oh no I'm being attacked by a horde of monsters mercy me " in the same sort of tone you'd expect someone to read out their laundry list The only saving grace - and I'm being totally charitable here - is the eponymous beast creatures themselves . It would be very easy for the director to get a bunch of extras to don wigs and pretend to be flesh eating monsters . Here we have what effectively fairground gonks that attack the cast and who are less wooden than the cast which means this movie gets three out of ten instead of two out of ten

This was a real treat. The film starts off a little slow, so hang in there because once the action starts you will probably choke on your beer or mountain dew out of sheer hysterical laughter. In my journey through "grade Z" movies, it is movies like Attack of the Beast Creatures that make it all worth it. This is the type of movie that I put on that "special shelf" for the friends that don't want to have to think or invest much of themselves into a film. For those friends who you would like to impress with a movie so bad, that it is just beautiful. This was made at a time when bad films were at least still shot on film. Now days "grade z" movies are shot on daddy's new digital camcorder, so they don't have any real cinematic quality. This has some cinematic quality...OK, cinematic quality in a really "grade z" kind of way.If you want Freddie Kreuger, Jason, or The Ring Meets the Grudge Part 4, then go to your local Blockbuster. Leave the trash to us trashmongers...I love it!