That was an excellent one.

Simply Perfect

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

Why is it ALWAYS the blonde, fake-tanned, silicon-enhanced skank they show with her bits out in modern 'horror' films, and not the natural, attractive ones? There is a bimbo in this movie who talks so dumb and is such a bad actress, she makes the ladies from TOWIE seem tolerable by comparison. The biggest laugh is when we find out she's in law school... this is about as likely as me being a midwife. If the director had any sense he'd have killed her off after the wet t-shirt competition and the shag in a hot tub, but nope... Instead she hangs around like a bad smell, ruining every scene she's featured in. At least she's getting plenty of help there...Onto the monster. It's a massive smurf with spiky teeth and some red wires trailing from it. It moves like your drunk uncle trying to play charades, and kills people by plucking their hearts from their chests. Fortunately, it doesn't recite any weird chants like Mola Ram in Temple Of Doom. In fact, it doesn't say anything at all, it just drools and snarls and licks it's lips. It is also completely unscary, so even in movies as appalling as this when the creature usually provides some blessed relief, here it just highlights how shoddy and pathetic the whole enterprise is.What else? Well, there's a HUGE avalanche scene that may have worked, apart from the most obvious use of green screen EVER. (And WTF is someone banging a gong as part of the background noise during it?) And there's a cute dog, with more talent in it's right paw than the rest of the humans put together. Apart from that, it is boring, boring, boring... then the giant smurf appears, and we wish it would go back to being boring, instead of just painful.Fortunately, I don't envisage the makers being in a position to pollute the atmosphere with more of their garbage films for quite a while. After all, the profit margin from selling two copies a week at Poundland must be somewhat slight... 1/10

The reason I rented this video was because the cover seemed scary enough to me, a hideous woman, who somehow reminded me of Lordi's keyboard player, awakes from the ice and goes on a rampage. The movie started out nice though, since me and my friend have a little gag going around that there are three things that a good movie needs: a helicopter, breast and a midget (preferably one that gets kicked away, or kicks himself in the head). The first scene of the movie contained a helicopter, the second one contained Jennifer Hill in a wet t-shirt, and the fourth scene contained Jennifer putting it all out. Heck, I was honestly thinking this could be a good movie, and was the edge of my seat awaiting the midget.After this, things went bad quickly. The Ice Queen looked pretty ugly, I'll give you that, but the horrible nonsense that she is put me off from the beginning. We are being told that she is a Homo Erectus, which still seems plausible. Now, it could be because I'm a High School teacher of History, and I might be more critical about historical incorrectness than others, but I do believe more people will hear their skin crawling when they claim the Homo Erectus (which only lived in Africa by the way) has a body temperature of -30°. I don't know if that's Celsius or Fahrenheit, but anyhow, it would mean that our ancestors had ice for blood. One could overlook that silly comment of the professor, but then he tells me that the Homo Erectus had the unseen power of being able to slash open its opponent, and freeze them from the inside out. When I heard this, I nearly fell from my chair, the idiocy and unrealism really are going over the top in this movie. Why does the Ice Queen need this type of power? She could just slash her opponents with her huge claws, and still be scary. Seeing how I'm a history teacher, I've had my fair share of 13 year old boys laughing about the name Homo Erectus like Beavis and Butthead, but those little pervs at least had a better idea of what the Homo Erectus was than the makers of this movie.If this was all the silliness in the movie, one wouldn't mind so much, but the madness goes on. Not only did our ancestors have freezing powers, for some reason they have heat vision, which can be compared to the way "The Predator" looks at this world. At a certain point in the movie, she sees main character Johnny (Harmon Walsh) standing, and somehow his body turned colder than the walls, which seem to be on fire right now. This makes our Ice Queen fall in love with him, and I can tell you that this is the point of the movie, where you just stop trying to see it as a horror movie, and just accept the rest of the movie will be a comedy. Seeing the vicious Ice Queen biting on her 5 inch nail/claw as if she were a porn diva acting out a naughty 16 year old school girl just has to make you break out in laughter.Now, on to the character of the Ice Queen, the only character that is not flat out cheesy, dumb or annoying. Some say they dislike the scream she makes, I liked that aspect of her. You could see she still was a beast and somehow it gave me the feeling she was afraid. That's one of the only good things done in this movie, somehow, you feel bad for the Ice Queen. She's not pure evil, she's just a creature put into an unfamiliar environment that is panic stricken, kinda the same thing as Cloverfield probably was.********************* SPOILER - END OF THE MOVIE *********************Now, I have to tell you about the end of the movie too. I was only finishing the movie since I wanted to see if the end was as ridiculous as the rest, and boy it was. Never have I seen such a stupid ending in a horror movie, and remember, Freddy Kreuger was killed initially because somebody didn't believe in him, while he was standing right in front of her. Now, the Ice Queen seems almost "get lucky with Johnny", but then he pulls her into the hot tub and she melts, and turns into a cheap plastic eyeball. Really, in this day and age, you should be able to make something better than that final prosthetic. When Jennifer Hill's rack isn't the most obvious fake prosthetic in your movie, something is plain wrong.All in all, this movie is one of the most horrible horror movies ever made, but I gave it three stars, because the last 20-30 minutes were just so plain ridiculous that they made me laugh, and that means the movie entertained me, although not intentional.

A scientist has found a cave woman from prehistoric times frozen in the ice. She's the Ice Queen. While en route back to civilization, the Ice Queen comes to life, causing the plane they were traveling in to crash into the side of a mountain. The crash causes an avalanche, which deposits the plane, along with several tons of snow, into the main lodge of a ski resort.This is a generic monster movie. A moronic plot with unnecessary happenings to fill up the length of the movie, below average actors and I can't say anything good about the characters as they are as emotionally thin as paper. The only time I was interested in watching these horrible actors/characters was the pointless sex scene with big fake boobs filling up as much of the screen as possible (it really is my favorite scene from the movie if I had to name one). To sum it up, bad acting.Gore effects, whilst sometimes extremely amateurish, are quite a bit of fun to endure. It's definitely fake but funny, sometimes Evil Dead type funny. There are some decent crashes pulled off on the screen but are usually followed by horribly crafted CG imagery. If only they had kept this movie totally prosthetic and can the CGI, it may have been able to hold some kind of merit. Alas, they tried to get too Hollywood and make it worse.Wardrobe design for the Ice Queen and miscellaneous characters are pretty bad, the make-up for the Ice Queen is bearable but only because it makes you laugh. Tee-hee-hee, she look funny.All they really needed was some more talented people behind the scenes. If only they had a director who could hide that TV movie feel, if only they had a few more decent actors so it doesn't look like a movie filmed by a high school class. It could have rivaled such movies as Pumpkinhead, The Unnamable and Rawhead Rex but falls too short due to its lousy production values.

I honestly don't know where to start when summing up this film. Each actor is had the ability to make me instantly hate them both as an actor and a person. They had as much acting talent as a blind man calling balls and strikes. You could've walked down to the nearest grocery store, picked out five people, and told them to act in this film, It would have had the same effect. The special effects looked like they were done by children who had no hands. There are too many goofs to count and the best actor in the film was the dog, and even he screwed up his lines. The moans of the ice queen were equivalent to having actual ice shoved in your ears over and over. This movie was as convincing as trying to tell someone that the blonde's breasts were real. Never see this movie, period.