The Worst Film Ever

hyped garbage

There is, somehow, an interesting story here, as well as some good acting. There are also some good scenes

It’s fine. It's literally the definition of a fine movie. You’ve seen it before, you know every beat and outcome before the characters even do. Only question is how much escapism you’re looking for.

The Texas Frightmare Massacre is an ingenious mixture of slasher horror, fart & wiener joke comedy set to the backdrop of a genuine and popular horror convention (the MOST popular, I'd venture to say) in the United States. While one story of TFM concerns two idiot friends (director Joe Francis and Chad Pallett) becoming security guards and training for their first gig doing security at the infamous convention, the main story has nerdy guy Allen Reed heading out to TFM with his rude step sister (the incredibly nude and hot Melanie Smith) and her boyfriend Dave Ayers. The couple, Reed's hero Parrish Randall (playing a hilarious version of himself), and others take Reed to a Carrie-esquire breaking point that has him donning a head horse mask and going on a killing spree throughout the hotel. As the bodies pile up, security loafs Francis and Pallett wonder about aimlessly. Writer/Director Joe Francis has two sure-win elements to this film: 1.) the incorporation of an actual convention in progress just melts my horror loving heart to a happy goo, and 2.) the presence of consistently naked Melanie Smith, whose seriously naked a lot...and getting boned a lot...and seriously looking hot as hell....seriously. I had the great opportunity of meeting some of these folks, all of whom are nice as hell and who really understand what it's like to be a horror nerd. Texas Frightmare Massacre may look like a bad internet video to the untrained eye and about 90% of the mass moronic movie-going audience, but the folks behind this threw caution to the wind and made a small movie that would appeal to a very small group of hardcore fans. The end result...I loved it! Rarely do I ever mutter these blasphemous words, but I hope there's a sequel.

Texas Frightmare Massacre was very entertaining. It has several story lines that came together seamlessly. It had some great acting from Melanie Smith, Allen Reed and the rest of the cast. Chad Pallett is always fun to watch. Hunter Barnett stole the show with his hilarious ad-libs. Joe and Chad reminded us of characters from the MythBusters series. (which we LOVE!) All the actors were surprisingly good for a film with a budget of zero. Expect to see most of them in the future. The food scene went on too long and hopefully will be edited further before the final release. The nude scenes were plentiful and fairly polished. (if that's what you're looking for) The profanity was more than this viewer cared for, but that may be an age or gender factor. probably both.It's been enjoyable watching Joe grow as a writer and director. Short films like "Dave and Alex Rob a Bank" have given a glimpse of what he is capable of and how far he has come from the early years. It will be interesting and worth watching to see where he grows from here. Bottom Line___________ See the film.