Simply Perfect

Let's be realistic.

I wanted to but couldn't!

This is one of the best movies I’ve seen in a very long time. You have to go and see this on the big screen.

Starring Kindergarten Cop (1990) bad guy Richard Tyson we have this generic slasher with slasher Pitchfork. Big well rounded masked individual with *Drumroll* a pitchfork.Full of bad editing, cut away deaths (A real pet hate of mine) and little originality this slasher flick really doesn't bring anything new to the table.Revolving around the men and women providing the annual "Hayride" a scary tractor trailer pulled night time experience and our pitchfork wielding maniac.The ending is pretty dreadful as is the film, but it has it's merits you just need to dig really deep to appreciate them.The Good: Richard Tyson The Hayride experience is kind of neat The Bad:Very generic Poorly edited Awful ending Things I learnt from this movie: In place of a weapon handcuffs can be used to saw a hole through someones neck The editor didn't have a problem how much the camera man focused on the lead girls ass Richard Tyson deserves better An axe to the face will kill you but not damage the plastic hockey mask you were wearing at all

How to describe "Hayride" ? A rather pointless slasher flick, a genre that by 2012 had been a cliché for two if not three decades. Here we see a mysterious character - mysterious in a sense, because there is never any doubt as to his identity, not that it matters - murdering people left right and centre, guys as well as gals just in case there are some in the audience who might be tempted to play the "violence against women" card. Audience, what audience? Heck, would anyone watch this if it were not on YouTube? Seriously, as someone said of a Snoopy Green film, I saw it for free, and I still want my money back.If you are into gore, very weak special effects, the occasional shriek of a damsel, and a mystery that can't be solved because it is really no mystery, you might find something of interest here, or as Abraham Lincoln said once, people who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.

There is a reason I don't watch many slasher movies, and movies like "Hayride" are exactly the reason. It's not that I expect something new or mind blowing, but sometimes I just wish more creativity was present. And maybe more care. I can't for the life of me imagine anything that would be more boring in the world of film than to sit down and write a slasher script. What would be the point, even? Evidently there are people who just love it, and that love making them, and "Hayride" is just feeding it with the same snooze. Besides being based on the redneck version of Haunted Houses, "Hayride" is dressed in the same cloth as any other "masked-killer-returns" horrors from late 70's an onwards. The movie is set on Halloween, and a guy is returning home just in time for the Haunted Hayride. He is bringing his girlfriend, but has made sure she understands where she's going, telling her about his uncle, as well as his uncle's favorite story to tell: the legend of Pitchfork. Pitchfork is said to be out there looking for his daughter who ran away, but is the legend really true? Pitchfork is the main focus on the Haunted Hayride. The only problem is that the Pitchfork mask is gone, and little do they don't know that someone else is taking upon the role of Pitchfork. Or is it the real Pitchfork? How did I do? Did I scare you enough? Did I build up lots of tension? Did you start to question whether the legend is real or not? The movie sure didn't do any of that. Now, it's not as bad as some backyard flicks in its production, but at least those you can accept for the fact that they are made with little care to begin with. "Hayride" is low budget, sure, but it has the bland characters, unimaginative antagonist and yawn-inducing violence that has nothing to do with production values. There are some issues in the production values themselves, but that's nothing new. You're quite prepared for stale performances, day-for-night shots, pointlessly added CGI rain and blood squirts, and so on. It's not really an issue for the movie. Of course, it doesn't help it either. The movie does try to give us a justified back story, and to its credit it's not terrible. But they tell it in a really cheesy way, with an overly stylized frame around the flashback, and it's really pushing it in length. The story itself, that Pitchfork is out there looking for his daughter that ran away, and killing everyone in the way, isn't too shabby at all. It might not break new ground, but it's at least on par with some much superior movies' back stories. And that's quite a compliment, I think. The kills in the movie are often nothing attention-worthy. I did enjoy one kill somewhat: when someone wearing a cheap Jason Voorhees mask is hit in the face with an axe, and the mask sticks to the axe. Even that's stretching it. But I guess it's a simple thing to do, but was creative enough to stand out in an otherwise lackluster slasher. The amount of gore and blood isn't great, but it's enough for me to not be overly annoyed about it, and just little enough so that I don't take much notice. "Hayride" might appeal to some huge slasher fans. We're talking about those who also love the hell out of the post-"Scream" phase that ended sometime in the early 00's. "Hayride" isn't much more than that, and probably worse than many of them. It's more in style with "Friday the 13th" and "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" (if you only count the chase scenes towards the end) than "Scream", but you get the point. It's a slasher flick in 2013 (2012), and it does absolutely nothing to break the mold.

Hayride is a story about a convicted serial killer who is being transferred and escapes. While this is happening a little ways down the road is the annual hayride event that is built around the legend of Pitchfork. Pitchfork's story is told to us as flashbacks at a campfire hang out, his story is not so much a serial killer one at first, he is a man who was over protected of his daughter and family and when his daughter ran away he went into a rage and started killing people to find her. The locals are not sure if this story is fake or real, and they are also unaware that a couple miles down the road an escaped serial is on the run. That is what makes this film such a fun little watch; it gives you two threats, one that is real and one that is an urban legend? This film plays out like the beginning of something more than an actual film, which is not a knock. This felt like the first chapter of a story that I hope we get more stories from. Like the original Halloween, a lot of the movie is story based and dialog based, but the dialog all seems like they are trying to build a franchise or at least a sequel, they are making the story so interesting that you know they were looking past part one.This is a low budget indie slasher, and the film really kept a decent pace, though the story telling at times does seem to get a little heavy, but trust me the third act of this film makes up for it. While the kills are low budget, the suspense and music to the scenes really was a winner. This film builds a tense, and does not let up till it gets to the payoff to the scene, which for the most part was fun and jump worthy. The ending was smart and clever, and it will get you trying to think about everything you just watched, because it painted a scenario that has me hoping they give us more. This is a horror film made by a fan for the fans. This makes The Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like Sesame Street, the chainsaw is dead it is time for you to meet the Pitchfork. Horror has a new icon. Forget Hollywood, support the Indies they are still respecting you horror fans, wait till you see this one.8.5 out of 10 wicked channel.com