Undescribable Perfection

It's no definitive masterpiece but it's damn close.

Fun premise, good actors, bad writing. This film seemed to have potential at the beginning but it quickly devolves into a trite action film. Ultimately it's very boring.

a film so unique, intoxicating and bizarre that it not only demands another viewing, but is also forgivable as a satirical comedy where the jokes eventually take the back seat.

Fans of generic fun will have a fun time with "The Bog Creatures" and self-righteous "film connoisseurs" will be offended. I'm a little of both, so I just may be a good source...It starts out with a hopelessly low-budget medieval battle (My dear friend/generic film buff, who rented this one, noticed a "knight" wearing a striped T-shirt!). The lazy filmmakers pay no attention to detail and don't even attempt authenticity. The low-grade DV cinematography doesn't help, either. Fortunately, the movie slips into some campy fun as the real story starts. Five bright and good-natured college flunkies (??) assist an ex-college flunkie in doing some excavation work in a Scottish bog (although it looks more like American woodlands). Nearby is an ancient castle in which mysterious events are tied to. The "ancient" castle has wooden walls, wooden-hinge doors and a brand spanking new paint job, but oh-well what can you do with lazy filmmakers. Suddenly, shamefully under-costumed bog creatures (wearing untainted shirts and khaki pants) turn the bog into their happy hunting ground. The typically formulaic story is surprisingly grounded, and never descends to an unwatchable bomb level. Director J. Christian Ingvordsen seems to know what goes into a pleasant, crowd pleasing horror flick, but he doesn't seem to have the means to achieve his goal. The screenplay, written by Matthew M. Howe is plain and simple rubbish, but it could have been cool rubbish had there been directed with a bigger budget.There are fine women to be found, and not much of anything else. This is a pretty bad one, but I guess it could have been a lot worse. If your looking for a decisive recommendation or the opposite, I'd advise passing this one for sure (unless you are interested in seeing a man devour a woman's panties whole in one of the most absurd, if highly memorable, scenes).

Selected by the world's most over-acted expert on "Irish bogs located somewhere in the Central U.S.", a group of college kids go to dig in a field somewhere in Arkansas, I mean, Ireland. Or maybe it was Norway. Or Sweden. Hell, it doesn't really matter because there isn't a bog within 300 miles of this movie. Unless I'm confused on my history and bog actually means "small dirt field with a few pine trees and some poorly hung fake moss."Rumor has it that Viking warriors were buried in this bog and the expert professor has spent the last 10 years looking for their bodies. All of his colleagues think he is crazy for believing this.Well not only is he crazy, he's also blind as a bat because these Nordic Zombie Warriors are all over the freakin' place. Seriously. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting an undead Berserker in the wee bits. In any outdoor scene you can be guaranteed there is at loeast one bog creature hanging out in the background. And our EXPERT can't spot one in 10 years?Blah blah blah, terrible acting, 1200 year old undead Irish virgins who comprehend Modern English, witch descendants, THE END.

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*OK. I admit it. I'm an idiot. A fool. A nincompoop. Once again I saw an exciting video box cover and thought it would be good. There was a vicious looking skull on the cover with red eyes and sharp teeth looking down on a bunch of teens. The movie had a bunch of shambling guys in Swamp Thing costumes wielding swords. I cry foul."Bog Creatures" reeks. It stinks. Waste of time. One of the things that roped me into it, (as I'm sure the producers were hoping), was the name of Debbie Rochon. I figured she would bring some fun to the party or at least a sense of B-movie legitimacy. Nope. She had no chance. Rochon couldn't save this one from drowning in the muck. She does not get naked in this flick. One of the girls rubs her arm a lot. Wow. Exciting. There was going to be a bathing scene with Rochon being washed by her new girlfriend. It was looking promising. Of course that would have been entertaining and "Bog Creatures" had to put a stop to that right away. Heartbreaking.So what's left? Not much. There is no action, suspense or gore. There's nothing. Throw this tape back in the bog.

Well, to spoil it all for you... the only nudity is in the first 15 seconds or so. And you see exactly what the bog "creatures" look like about 5 minutes later. There was no suspense, and I think it would be way out of line to call this a "horror" flick. Some good points... the acting was decent, and some parts were quite humorous. My favorite part was the ending... Get through all of it, and you'll know what I mean. Bottom line? Not completely terrible, but not really too watchable, either. 5/10 from me...