Touches You

Boring

I wanted to like it more than I actually did... But much of the humor totally escaped me and I walked out only mildly impressed.

This movie feels like it was made purely to piss off people who want good shows

HAZARD JACK is an appalling film. A would-be slasher with zero plot, zero acting ability, and zero reason to watch, it marks a true nadir for this genre and is even worse than shot-on-video trash like the CAMP BLOOD movies. It's hard to believe that the guy who directed this, David Worth, once handled the likes of KICKBOXER back in the day.Hazard Jack is a psychotic killer and former soldier, suffering from PTSD and deranged by the violence he's experienced in combat. A group of distasteful twentysomething characters enter the abandoned hospital where he hides out and he proceeds to bump them off one by one before the inevitable showdown with the survivors.Everything about HAZARD JACK is tacky and cheap. The gore effects, although plentiful, are poorly achieved and look bargain basement style. The acting is so amateurish it's not even worth mentioning. There's ample nudity here, but the women are all of the silicon-enhanced variety. The narrative follows the old 'have sex and die' formula resolutely without ever adding its own spin or twists into the mix. The script is rubbish. HAZARD JACK truly is an awful film.

A group of annoying young people host a party inside of an abandoned hospital. Before long, their night of fun turns into a night of carnage as a massive, steroid-pumped and shellshocked Iraq war veteran mauls them all to death with various pieces of construction equipment. There are a few beheadings, a jock gets nailed alive to a wall, the token black dude is eviscerated with a drill bit, and a ridiculous latino gay caricature is burned alive in a church (how's that for offensive?)Hazard Jack is a mostly formulaic slasher -- seen one, seen 'em all -- but it earns some points for seeming at least a little self-aware of its function as pornography. Its characters are so over-the-top stereotypical and the titular maniac so obscenely huge and bestial as to indicate as much.But in the end, for a film like this, there really wasn't enough gore. Everything in the introduction -- from the deteriorating hospital setting to the brute killer's hefty arsenal of killing tools -- make you expect volumes of blood and guts, and yet the gore level is at best average. The slasher is one of the most overdone genres of film ever, and you can't sell one these days without extreme gore and suspense. Otherwise, it really feels like plagiarism.As a devoted slasher fan, I hope Jack returns for a sequel. But when he does, I hope he's willing to paint the town red.

A group of friends choose an abandoned hospital to play a game of paint-ball(at least they didn't go to a cabin in the woods).Unfortunately there is a deranged, post traumatic soldier walking around killing whoever goes there. There is no new ground being broken here peeps. The violence is all done off screen.You see blood fly around but generally a PG rated killer. The only reason it would be rated R is because a few breasts are exposed and simulated oral sex.Lucky for everyone the hospital still has power hooked up and the psycho has access to all construction tools that were left.Hazard Jack could be a poster boy for safety however as he is equipped with a helmet, work boots and even knee pads.There is not even one gram of tension in this thing. It's not even cheesy just damn annoying. It's almost like they didn't have a special effect crew just a few props and an empty hospital to shoot at.Watch Sweatshop:2009 instead.

This movie is very typical of what's done in the slasher genre. It has a psycho bad guy who kills for no real reason. Yeah, they said he has PTSD, but come on. He lives in an abandoned hospital and kills anyone who happens to trespass in it. It also has the audience rooting for the killing of the very unlikeable characters. Of course, it's not a slasher without the slasher movie props of blood, gore and boobs. Three of the girls show their breasts. The ones who don't are Bridget (Amanda Manddox) and Stella (Alison Lani). That figures, since they're the only two people in the entire movie I liked.Of course, cliché after cliché is used. Clichés don't mean something will be bad, just like lack or originality doesn't mean it, either. However, if they use clichés and repetitive story lines, at least try to do a good job on them. In this movie, they didn't. They have some of the characters running for their lives down the hallway. The killer is just walking after them. Somehow, the killer always catches up to his prey. Come on! Put that pathetic cliché six feet under already! This is the 21st Century. Is the audience really supposed to believe that somebody walking can catch up to people who are running? Ugh! No cell phone reception? Really? I know in hospitals - the ones that are working - cell reception is hard, but that's because of the machines that are in use. This is an old, abandoned hospital, and they can't get a signal? The writing was in serious need of help. The characters, most of them, were in serious need of being killed. I do not recommend.The one victim that keeps suffering every time a movie like this is made is the slasher genre itself. When someone hears another slasher is out, people roll their eyes, and it's because of movies like this, The Cemetery, Varsity Blood, and I can go on and on with other failed slasher titles. Stop killing the slasher genre, folks! I gave this 2 stars. One for Amanda Maddox, and one for Alison Lani.