Touches You

Bad Acting and worse Bad Screenplay

if their story seems completely bonkers, almost like a feverish work of fiction, you ain't heard nothing yet.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

Sometimes it's necessary to spend a mindless Sunday afternoon catching up on movies. I was ready for that with a couple of friends as we caught up on a contemporary Filipino flick entitled "Zombading", but it was anything but mindless. The title is an English-Filipino amalgam of the words "zombie" and "bading" (pronounced bah-ding) which is a Filipino "slang" translation for "gay". These are my thoughts on the Filipino indie otherwise known as "Gay Zombies". Set in the provincial town of Lucban, in the Quezon region of the Philippines, the story opens with a precocious little boy who habitually taunts gays by pointing and yelling "Bakla! Bakla! Bakla!" (the non-slang Filipino translation for "gay"). The Filipino language rivals English in its descriptiveness and synonymical flexibility wherein one thing can be described in so many ways. However, the word "bakla" unfortunately weighs heavier on the derogatory side and has no positive counterpart. It rolls off the tongue with the ease of sucking on a lemon before downing one's tequila shot. Much like the young boy of our story named Remington, many easily use the word "bakla" to categorize, ostracize, and demonize gays in the Philippines. But I digress.While at a cemetery, young Remington pokes fun at a grieving mannish "widow", and the wrong one at that. What turns out to be a mourning gay witch Pops Ricafuerte (excellently played by Roderick Paulate) curses the young boy into a life of homosexuality at the strike of his twenty first birthday. The film places us fifteen years later when Remington (now played by Martin Escudero) experiences the perfectly realistic conflict of a budding relationship with his girlfriend Hannah (played by Lauren Young) being strangely derailed by inexplicable urges towards his childhood best friend Jigs (played by Kerbie Zamora). When his increasing feminine mannerisms/symptoms alarmingly jog his memory to the first utterance of this curse, he is aided by both girlfriend and best friend to seek out this witch from the past in the hopes of a reversal. After a hyperbolic catfight akin to Filipino dramas, the widowed witch extends her kindness and helps the sexually confused boy. Of course the answer only comes from a seance complete with campy dance club beats and an apparition of spirits in the form of mythological half buffalo, half gogo dancing boys clad in speedos. The spirits advise that his only escape from the curse is finding a replacement by the eve of his twenty-first birthday ~ a sacrificial virgin if you will ~ but more appropriately a heterosexual male who was a virgin to gay experiences. Seeking out potential replacements by asking a group of heterosexual male friends which of them haven't had gay experiences may be far fetched. Yet this prompts a comically poignant silence and an isolated one out of ten who raises his hand. Nevertheless, many a manly man in their circle of friends own up to their masculine preference for the same sex. In his rapidly changing state, Remington questions whether this was a indeed a curse or a twist of fate that he needed to accept, while Hannah fights for the man she loves by lobbying to find the "cure". (Taking a second here to say hooray to a well posed conflict despite the incredulous story line!)While Hannah selflessly encourages Remington's happiness, no matter what his choice may be, they were still without a sacrifice. Their obstacle is cleverly wedged by a sci-fi subplot of murders terrorizing their small town. A serial killer on the loose was targeting hairdressers and frying them with a GayDar. This was not only the murder weapon which emits colorful rays that toasts its victims, but also a bedazzled hair dryer scientifically created to identify homosexuality within animals for the propagation of rural farming. This golden gay gun clearly fell into the hands of the murderer who we later learn to be the town's highly masculine advocate for family values (insert your favorite conservative politician here). With Remington's witching hour rapidly approaching, the horror of murdered victims-now- zombies were rising from the ground and running amok, preying on townspeople including (surprise) the male lover of said serial killer. In an unguarded grieving moment, the self-hater himself falls prey to the low budget stun gun which points to his direction in a Ouija board fashion, and fires the gay ray of death. Whew!Having eradicated the source of anti-gay sentiments and battled some seriously grotesque gay zombies, Remington's transformation into full femininity was nearly complete as evidenced by the similarly eclipsed moon. Though slightly predictable, the winning and most unusual deux-ex-machina/resolution comes with a most loving sacrifice from this young man's father Ed (played by the uber masculine John Regala). And by "winning" I mean the writer's positive political statement made thru the character of Ed in his final moments as a straight man to save his son: "I want you to be happy. You're just on your way, whereas I've been and back. And it doesn't mean I can't be your father even if I am gay." What normally would've been a cue of heart tugging music in typical Filipino dramas was a whirlwind of enveloping neon lights dissolving the scene to the morning after when a news team questioning bystanders.Perhaps I gleaned way more than what was intended to be a lighthearted comedy with a touch of the widely known Filipino horror genre. But I've noticed that just like the brilliant "My Househusband: Ikaw Na" (also from 2011), "Zombading" turns stereotypes on their heads, re- examines them thru poignant role reversals and leaves its audience excited for the possibilities of a more tolerant and open minded generation.

"Zombadings 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington" is an indie film that got picked up for wide release because of audience appeal and good word of mouth. At first I was not really planning to watch it because of the strange subject matter, but curiosity got the better of me because of the hype. I thought that this movie would be a comedy- horror film. But it turned out to be more comedy than horror. In fact, there is hardly an horror to this film at all. It is just LOL lowbrow comedy! It does have an impressive behind-the-scenes credentials, with Jade Castro (of "Endo") as director-writer, with Raymond Lee (of "Endo" and "In My Life")and Michiko Yamamoto (also of "Endo" and "Maximo Oliveros") as the co-writers.Remington has been teasing gay people since he was a kid. One day he teased the wrong gay guy (Roderick Paulate) who cursed him that he will turn gay when he grows up (they were not very specific when). 15 years later, gays in their community in Lucban, Quezon were being killed off by a serial killer. At about the same time, Remington (Mart Escudero) had been having dreams that he was being attacked by a muscle-bound assailant. Upon waking up from those dreams, he would also slowly be turning into a screaming gay himself! How can Remington now continue courting pretty Hannah (Lauren Young) while he is at the same time falling for his best friend Jigs (Kerbie Zamora)? Can the spell still be broken to restore Remington back to straight-hood?Martin Escudero is the revelation in this movie because he successfully straddled that tenuous balance between straight and gay. His gay actuations and manner of speaking were so realistic. Excellent movie debut, if he is indeed straight. Lauren Young is also a very pretty and promising young actress. Aside from Paulate, there was a proficient all-star cast supporting the young ingénues, with Janice de Belen and John Regala as Remington's role-reversed parents (Janice as police officer while John tends their carinderia), Daniel Fernando and Leandro Baldemor as Regala's creepy drinking buddies and Eugene Domingo as Hannah's ditzy roller-skating mom. Everything was done tongue-in-cheek, all in the name of fun. Save for those few sticky moments between Remington and Jigs on the stairs, this is still a very entertaining indie film overall. Yes, despite those grotesque gay zombies.