The Pink Chiquitas

January. 23,1987      PG-13
Rating:
4
Trailer Synopsis Cast

A pink meteor controlled by aliens lands near a small town and turns the local women into nymphos. A deputy sheriff and a local private eye investigate.

Frank Stallone as  Tony Mareda Jr.
Don Lake as  Deputy Barney Drum
Bruce Pirrie as  Clip Bacardi
Laura Robinson as  Trudy Jones
Cindy Valentine Leone as  Stella Dumbrowski
Diana Platts as  Anita
T.J. Scott as  Dave
Eartha Kitt as  Betty / The Meteor (voice)
John Hemphill as  Ernie Bodine

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Reviews

Ensofter
1987/01/23

Overrated and overhyped

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Claysaba
1987/01/24

Excellent, Without a doubt!!

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Console
1987/01/25

best movie i've ever seen.

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Pacionsbo
1987/01/26

Absolutely Fantastic

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Woodyanders
1987/01/27

A pink meteorite (voiced with growly aplomb by Eartha Kitt) lands in the middle of the woods in a sleepy small town. It transforms a bunch of local women into raging nymphomaniacs. Can hunky private detective Tony Mareda Jr. (an amiable portrayal by Frank Stallone) save the day before it's too late? Writer/director Anthony Currie milks the cheerfully dopey premise for maximum infectiously campy goofiness with the zippy pace, zany tone, and broadly drawn characters never letting up for a minute. Moreover, it's acted with considerable zest by an enthusiastic cast, with especially spirited work by Bruce Pirrie as bumbling meteorologist Clip Bacardi, Don Lake as the hopelessly clumsy Deputy Barney Drum, John Hemphill as the smarmy mayor Ernie Bodine, and Gerald Isaac as flamboyant homosexual Dwight Wright. The smoldering presence of various hot and sexy gals certainly doesn't hurt matters in the least: Elizabeth Edwards as delicious leader May Ann Kowalski, gorgeous blonde knockout Claudia Udy as sweet nurse Helen Walkman (Claudia is quite the yummy eyeful clad solely in white skivvies!), Laura Robinson as enticing TV news anchorwoman Trudy Jones, and Cindy Valentine as sultry singer Stella Dumbrowski, plus both Sheryl Lee and Lolita Davidovich pop up as pink chiquitas in their pre-fame salad days. A running gag about a team of inept Italian mobsters trying to kill Tony provides some of the biggest laughs. The bright cinematography by Nicolas Stiliadis gives this picture a cool glittery sheen. Paul Zaza's lively score hits the stirring spot. Sure, it's an incredibly silly serving of pure piffle, but this good-natured and inoffensive romp is just way too dumb and inane to hate.

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Quicksand
1987/01/28

I caught this years and years ago on the USA Network, at something like 3 a.m. At the time I was young and impressionable, and I thought I was watching something very dirty indeed. There wasn't much to see, but I was convinced I was watching an edited-for-TV version of a soft-core masterpiece. Did I mention I was young?Years later I saw the thing on DVD (WHY is this on DVD?), and figured, what the hell. And, well... to call this thing PG-rated is being generous. There had been ZERO editing for that basic cable airing. No one get naked, and there wasn't even any swearing that I could recall. Even the underwear is pretty chaste.The acting is terrible, the writing is embarrassing, the lighting/costumes/makeup are beyond amateurish, and the "music" (written by Frank Stallone himself!) is instantly forgettable. So if your plot is a pink meteorite that falls to earth and turns the local women into Amazonian nymphomaniacs... wouldn't the only possible saving grace be having naked women in your movie? (or, for the two women in the audience, at least one attractive male?)There is NO skin, no jokes, no movie... The only reason this exists is so you can see the title on the IMDb and say to someone, "Did you know Sylvester Stallone had a brother? Who was in a movie?"

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zeppo-2
1987/01/29

Sly Stallone is hardly the finest actor in the world but compared to his brother, Frank...well, roll out those awards now! Mullet haired, muppet Frank seems to think that every part he plays, calls for him doing the role as an American/Italian Wise-guy refugee from the 'Godfather.' Please, somebody make him an acting offer 'he can refuse!' This film just stinks the place out, even by the terrible overacting in this, Frank still steals the acting dishonours. All the people compensate for their lack of talent by shouting their lines and throwing their arms about, gesticulating wildly in a style that went out of fashion back with silent films.The plot, what there, is, makes no sense as a meteor lands and turns all the women into sex-crazed nymphets but as this is 15 certificate film, that just means they strip to their underwear and make moaning sounds like dogs on heat. What happens in the end, I'm not quite sure as I was losing the will to live long before the film finished.Avoid this like the plague and watch 'Deep Impact' for a reasonable film about a meteor about to hit the earth.N.B. Point of order: when one of the female leads strips down to her underwear, she has her knickers/panties under her suspenders/garter belt, it's knickers over the suspenders to allow women to go to the toilet with less fuss. A trivial point, perhaps, but shows how dumb this film is when they can't even get this right!

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junk-monkey
1987/01/30

To say this film stinks would be insulting to skunks. As the other commenter says, this movie is insulting to anyone over the mental age of 7 (it is especially, incredibly insulting to gays). It is awful - and not in a "so bad it's funny" sort of way either - it's just plain awful. No, I have to say it: IT STINKS! (sorry skunks).From the opening credits to the end titles there is hardly more than 10 seconds of this movie worth opening your eyes for. The "plot" is incoherent, the characterization non-existent, the acting is of the over the top mugging "look at me I'm being funny!" school and so it goes on. The set pieces are clumsily set up (if at all) and are badly executed, it's just awful on every front - apart from the music maybe, I don't remember thinking the music stinks (apart from the songs).To be fair to the makers, they lay their cards on the table pretty quickly: the opening credits include the title "Also starring Ertha Kitt as the voice of Betty the meteor" (since as the meteor in question turns out never never say anything but make an occasional purring noise they may well have lifted Ms. Kitt's contribution from one of her records) and the second line of the movie runs something like: "...and scientists have discovered new facts about the rings around Uranus." Uranus - "Your Anus" geddit? geddit? huh? huh?? Your Anus? The humour really is that cheap.It says strange things about the "comedies" of that period in that it was perfectly permissable for the hero to deliberately shoot people dead in the street but not say "sh*t" out loud.I paid fifty pence (about $1.00) for this movie in a sale. I feel ripped off.

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