Just what I expected

A waste of 90 minutes of my life

A Masterpiece!

The biggest problem with this movie is it’s a little better than you think it might be, which somehow makes it worse. As in, it takes itself a bit too seriously, which makes most of the movie feel kind of dull.

The Roller Blade Seven (1991) is the most "nothing" movie i've ever seen. I mean, the popcorn i was eating had more substance. First off the plot is well, there really isn't a plot. You go from one scene to another without any sort of idea where the characters are, sometimes who they are and their motivations. For the most part, the main character has a motivation but even that gets rather sketchy in this fever dream of a movie. Characters show up for "reasons" and then go away for "reasons". It feels more like a LARP than anything else. Things just happen.The editing in this movie is horrible. Absolutely awful. Shots hang on way too long, some of them only confuse the scenes further. The action scenes are like those home movies where you'd film your two kids fighting with cardboard tubes except they have rollerblades on and are dressed up for Halloween.There isn't even a script, the excuse for that is that it's a "new" kind of film-making, Zen Film-making. I dunno about you, but having a script is the very basis for creating a movie without making it a incoherent mess.For that reason, it barely even qualifies as a movie. It is just hardly anything.Great for watching with LSD though, i bet.

This movie has done the unthinkable.. it has matched up in almost every way, and likely surpassed in quality of dialogue, the steaming pile of cinematic vomit that is Things (1989). Don't take this as a discouraging statement, however. As a fan of the best/worst sort of B-movies like The Room and Troll 2, I know why some people would refuse to watch movies that belong in the crawlspace underneath the bottom of the barrel of cinema. For me, however, there's nothing quite like 90 minutes of absolute torture that I can spend years hating on afterwards. That's what motivates me to watch movies like Pocket Ninjas or the Star Wars Holiday Special. AND THEN there's movies like Things (1989) and Roller Blade Seven. It's hard to distinguish which is worse.. In Things (1989) you have dialogue spoken directly into a microphone to overdub the unlistenable quality of the camcorder's mic they bought from the local Ma & Pa Canadian electronics shop, making distance from the camera meaningless. All the voices sounded a foot away... And in Roller Blade Seven, you have scenes like getting into a car and driving off repeated a dozen times from different angles for absolutely no reason. In Things (1989) you have the most unappealing, impossible to identify with Canadian hick douchebags attempting to convey a storyline you can only pray leads to all of their deaths. And in Roller Blade Seven, you have characters that hardly speak with dialogue that (at least on my copy) was nearly impossible to understand acting out various events that seem potentially related, but not nearly close enough to string together a real sense of plot. I think Roller Blade seven ultimately takes the prize as worst movie I've ever watched. At least in Things (1989) there's enough dialogue and continuous flow of events (....sorta? not really, no.. but the plot sorta organizes itself eventually). Even after watching The Roller Blade Seven several times, I still don't know what was going on or why. I know there was a rescue mission, but that almost seemed to become unnecessary half way through the movie... and then a few times later in the movie where they suddenly started replaying that same footage again.. I don't know.. my brain hurts thinking about it. ^ See both of those movies, they will bring you years of therapy bills.. but they're two of my top 5 'I'm glad I watched that' movies..

This is really a Rock n' Roll Great Film! It is like Fellini on Acid and I love Fellini! I mean, there are so many twists and turns in this film, that it really keeps you guessing. This film is really different than any other action-adventure film I have ever seen, if you can call it an action-adventure. Yeah, it has martial arts and swordplay but this film is really not about that. This film is like somebody went out there, did what ever they wanted to do, and put it on film. As an Art School Geek, this is the kind of film I would like to make if I had the money.This film really has created a new and better genera of film-making and "It Rocks!"

I knew that I was not about to see a quality film when this title was included in a 'B-grade video night' at a friends place. Despite the warnings, I was still surprised at just how bad this film was. It was fortunate that there were a lot of us there to share the pain with each other... The film attempts to tell the story of a dark future, one in which Hawk (a Mad Max type of character) heads off to rescue a damsel in distress. In reality, the plot is a thinly disguised excuse for the producers to promote their own philosophies on life (watch the end credits and the 'these people are not real' disclaimer at the end for a real laugh). The movie is frequently lacking direction, and fails to develop its characters to any degree whatsoever. What's even worse though is the editing of this film. The film repeats scenes (often 10 to 20 seconds long) up to 4 or 5 times in a row. I think that this was an attempt to emulate things like Jean Claude Van-Damme fight sequences, but if it is it fails utterly. The film would probably be about 1/3 of its length if we weren't forced to watch the main character move his head in front of the setting sun half a dozen times (yes, that's all that happens in that repeated scene). I give this movie my 'worst film I've ever seen' award. I doubt that it will be topped any time soon.