The Worst Film Ever

I don't have all the words right now but this film is a work of art.

A movie that not only functions as a solid scarefest but a razor-sharp satire.

It's simply great fun, a winsome film and an occasionally over-the-top luxury fantasy that never flags.

This is one of my favourite movies and another one that my daughter and I have watched repeatedly over the years. It was a second sequel film to the 1937 Topper and most decidedly the best of the three, a perfect mix of murder and slapstick, although we couldn't help but feel sorry for poor old Joan Blondell. It was very similar (in spirit) to Noel Coward's Blithe Spirit in the attitude to death but very different in its attitude to humour.Heiress Carole Landis visits her father at his spooky mansion for the first time with her lively friend who gets murdered by a sinister black cloaked figure. Roland Young played meek and mild Cosmo Topper again, and again beset by ghostly problems to solve and earthly ones caused by his flibbertigibbet wife Clara played by Billie Burke. The difference this time was made by wise cracking taxi driver Dennis O'Keefe, manic cop Donald Macbride and Topper's resigned chauffeur Rochester, who provided a plethora of smart ass one liners throughout the too short film. Favourite bits: the entire cast being ordered into the icebox; Macbride & O'Keefe's continual mutual putdowns (Where's your taxi?/Where do you think it is?); the beautiful scene where Macbride asks Landis to identify the dead body and warns her she will have an unpleasant experience – whereupon she violently screams and faints in a heap; the great George Zucco's mad roving eyes whilst delivering his prime hammiest performance; so many other memorable scenes.But not one second is wasted in a brilliant 88 minutes, it all adds up to a breathtaking roller-coaster ride and wildly improbable fantasy fun. Wholeheartedly recommended.

This is my favorite film of the "Topper" series. Nothing against Constance Bennett (or Cary Grant), but Joan Blondell as the wisecracking ghost who takes off where Ms. Bennett left off after the second film is so much fun. She is surrounded by an excellent cast of comics, ghoul men and the returning Roland Young and Billie Burke (as Mr. and Mrs. Topper). First seen very much alive (like Bennett and Cary Grant were at the beginning of the first film), Ms. Blondell is murdered after switching bedrooms with heiress Carole Landis after Ms. Landis meets her ailing father (H.B. Warner) who left her to be raised in the far east per her late mother's wishes. Who raised her there is never broached, but it doesn't spoil the mystery surrounding the murder with Landis as the intended victim.This is more of a spoof than other old dark house comedies (1939's "The Cat & the Canary", 1939's "The Gorilla", and 1942's "The Black Cat") in that there are subtle references to other films and radio shows of the time. Eddie Anderson's chauffeur makes a threat to go back to work for Mr. Benny (Jack, that is), while Rafaela Ottianos' housekeeper, Lillian, is a parody of Judith Anderson's Mrs. Danvers in "Rebecca". In fact, she is once referred to as "Rebecca" by a dimwitted investigator. Watch Ottiano's out of the blue reference to the waves after dramatically opening Landis's bedroom window. It highly spoofs Anderson's scene in "Rebecca" where she keeps telling Joan Fontaine to "listen to the sea". There's also a gag lifted straight out of "It Happened One Night" that has a hilarious outcome.While some may guess the identity of the villain long before it is revealed, it is still fun to watch everything going on, particularly Anderson's constant plunge into a murky water filled cave where he encounters a playful seal. Then, there are Billie Burke's scenes with maid Patsy Kelly (screaming much like she did in "The Gorilla") as she goes to the spooky old house to find her missing husband who has been coerced by the ghostly Blondell to help her solve her own murder. All of these great comics make the romance of Landis and cab driver Dennis O'Keefe seem secondary. Add on mysterious servants of the old dark house and a spooky doctor (George Zucco), and there's plenty to entertain you. The special effects are extremely good, particularly in a scene where the ghostly Blondell actually gets drunk while drinking champagne, makes herself disappear to Topper in various ways, and when she encounters the darkly cloaked killer in panels behind the mansion wall.While the character of Cosmo Topper remains the same from the previous two films, I found that Mrs. Topper (Billie Burke) was altered to reflect Ms. Burke's typecasting of a scatterbrained bird-like matron who is filled with Gracie Allen like observations that offer both laughs and groans. Gracie's observations somehow made sense in spite of the silly way she explained herself. Burke's are down right dimwitted, something she avoided in the first two films in spite of the character's flightiness. Those who look at film series for consistencies will notice this right off, although she is still amusing. Easy to find on video because of its public domain status, "Topper Returns" is a film worth purchasing because it deserves repeat viewings. Even with the public domain status, the print I found on DVD on an obscure label at a $.99 store was actually quite good.

I like ghost movies and such, and I do watch "Topper Returns" when I am in the mood. BUT it is getting more difficult, as the rampant racism is increasingly tough to stomach. "Rochester" was a pleasant memory from my youth; a valued cohort of Jack Benny. I didn't like to see him denigrated in this film. I tell myself that all of these fine actors did their best in denigrating roles, but Rochester more so than the others.And Joan Blondell! How irritating can one person get? I know this was the age of the "give as good as she got" female, but she utters not one humorous thing and grates on one's nerves.This movie is a waste of fine talent. It does, however, have redeeming virtues. The black and white photography is perfect for the effects it wishes to create. I think the scene of the "spirit" leaving the mansion to find Topper, is spectacular. The light and motion of the scene is better than I have ever seen in movies.I couldn't get into the ghost's still having a "body" capable of climbing into bed with Topper, getting drunk, getting her toe stepped on, etc.Carol Landis was beautiful and somehow managed to get through this turkey. Another waste of talent- and beauty.If you haven't seen this flick, you must do so if only to experience the eye movements of the doctor- the Boris Karloff wannabe. It is a queasy-creating performance...eee gads.But my dissatisfaction boils down to this: did the studio run out of money, or what? The end drops you off a cliff; so what was the whole scheme and how were the assorted nuts in the castle involved, and did Dennis O'Keef ever get his $26 dollars, and why in the heck do I care? Well, I don't, so I'm going to make some coffee.

For the third and final Topper film, Roland Young is now shed of the Kirbys from the two previous films and he and Billie Burke are now starting on a needed vacation with Eddie Anderson as chauffeur and Patsy Kelly as maid. Hey it's the best way to travel.But the other world isn't finished with him yet. Carole Landis and her friend Joan Blondell are on their way to spend the night with her father, H.B. Warner, at the old family haunted estate. If it wasn't haunted before it sure gets haunted after Blondell is murdered by mistake because the killer is after Landis.Of course that magnet for the other world Cosmo Topper attracts ghosts like moths to a flame and of course the now other worldly Blondell enlists him to find out who murdered her. Rounding out this cast of some of the best character actors around are Dennis O'Keefe as a taxi driver trying to collect a fare, Donald MacBride as the perennial dumb cop and George Zucco as the doctor/friend of the Landis/Warner family. The mystery has plenty of plot holes in it and we're never really told the reason why Landis is being targeted. One thing I will say though, given that the reader of this review might be knowledgeable in the typecasting of all these faces, don't think you've identified the culprit by that.Roland Young probably could have gone on making more Topper films, but I'm willing to bet he decided to quit while ahead. In any event Cosmo Topper probably decided to go with the flow and left the banking profession to become a psychic.