Such a frustrating disappointment

As Good As It Gets

There's no way I can possibly love it entirely but I just think its ridiculously bad, but enjoyable at the same time.

Actress is magnificent and exudes a hypnotic screen presence in this affecting drama.

"Deathstalker III: Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell" surpasses "Deathstalker II: Duel of the Titans." John Terlesky and company in "Deathstalker II" might as well have been swatting at each other with tennis rackets for all the swashbuckling thrills and chills that the tame first sequel failed to deliver. John Allen Nelson of "Hunk" looks like he could be the eponymous character. Mind you, Nelson is no match for Rick Hill but he is a hundred times better than Terlesky, and Mexican director Alfonso Corona shuns the juvenile antics that Jim Wynorski emphasized in "Deathstalker II." Moreover, nobody gives an embarrassing performance in "Deathstalker III" that compares with the truly abysmal performance of Monique Gabrielle. Although it isn't as campy as its pathetic predecessor, "Deathstalker III" contains some humor. Director Corona prefers to play things along the lines of the straight and narrow. For example, a secondary character dies under tragic circumstances so this second sequel isn't as lightweight as the first sequel. The only flaw in the original "Deathstalker" was the death of our hero's companion too early in the action. Conversely, the character of Marinda here is introduced early in the action and survives until the finale when she helps our unarmed protagonist defeat the villain."Deathstalker" scenarist Howard Cohen sticks to the formula of the strong man who rescues a comely princess from the clutches of an evil sorcerer. Occasionally, Corona and Cohen generate a modicum of suspense, particularly in Deathstalker's torture scene and Cohen scores with one major surprise that enhances the action. Further, Cohen has an adolescent character that is good with a bow and arrow appear at opportune moments, but he foreshadows the child's skill with the weapon. Basically, "Deathstalker III" revolves around two multi-faceted white stones that when combined will yield their power. These two stones will take the owner to Erendor, the city of lost treasure. The villainous tyrant of Southland, Troxartes (Thom Christopher of NBC-TV's "Buck Rogers of the 25th Century"), possesses one stone, while Deathstalker winds up with the second stone. He obtained his stone from a princess running around incognito to find a wizard. Indeed, Carissa (Carla Herd of "Wild Zone" in a dual role) has spent the last three years searching for Nicias (veteran Mexican actor Aarón Hernán) who wanders from village to village prophesying about the villagers' future. One cool looking villain, Inaros (Roger Cudney of "The Border"), rides around with batwings attached to either side of his helmet. This entry in the quartet of sword and sorcery sagas was lensed on location in Mexico, but it is still a low-rent Roger Corman spectacle. The orchestral music by Alejandro Rulfo and Israel Torres captures the atmosphere of this mock-heroic nonsense, and Troxartes makes good use of a falcon as his eyes in the skies.The first scene in "Deathstalker III" resembles the opening scene in "Conan the Barbarian" when the evil warriors stormed a village, killed most of the inhabitants and captured young Conan. Deathstalker is enjoying himself at a village festival, swapping blows with an adversary on a felled tree as they battle with long sticks. At the same time, the long, gray-haired wizard Nicias tells those who can afford his prices what their future holds. Nicias wears a long fur robe. Carissa has been looking for Nicias and shows him her half of the stone, hoping the wizard to have the other half. Suddenly, warriors on horseback wearing ominous armory ride into the village and start slaying people. Deathstalker fights them long enough for Nicias to escape and vanish into thin air with only his smoking footwear to note his presence. Carissa flees, and she winds up in Deathstalker's camp where she identifies herself as a princess. Deathstalker is amused by his luck. "Why is it I keep getting mixed up with princesses?" Carissa tells him about Erendor and its treasure. "Enough to make my people strong forever," she assures him. Deathstalker isn't impressed. "Here I go again, riding hundreds of miles, fighting whole armies, up against magic maybe. In the end all I will get is flowers on my heading telling me how wonderful I am."No sooner has Deathstalker seen his future than the same warriors who raided the village strike his camp and kill Carissa. She gives the stone to Deathstalker. Before she dies, Carissa tells Deathstalker about her sister Belizean. According to Carissa, "It was either me or my sister and she cannot put on her own shoes." This description fits Elizena. Later, after Deathstalker eludes Troxartes, he stumbles into a valley looking for a horse. He tries to steal one from a mother and daughter who live in the valley and live on a diet of potatoes. Marinda (Claudia Inchaurregui of "The Bikini War") is the daughter who hasn't set foot outside the valley and has never made love to a man. Marinda lets Deathstalker deflower her and then leads him out of the valley. Mom believes that Deathstalker has abducted her daughter so she leads Troxartes' army after them. Once he is safely away, Deathstalker runs into Carissa's sister, Elizena, and Elizena is every inch the stuck-up princess that we're used to seeing. Troxartes yearns for the second stone. His mistress Camisarde (Terri Treas of "All That Jazz") asks him, "Aren't you rich enough without one more jewel?" She goes on to add, "You own every inch of land and peasant between here and the sea and me if you ever noticed." Troxartes points out, "That city is power. The magic of a thousand generations lives in the stones of its wall waiting to erupt by the one who puts these stone together. When this is complete the world is mine. With it I'll live forever!" "Deathstalker III" is a relief after the abomination of "Deathstalker II.

I have never seen the other films in this series and, boy, am I glad! This is an utterly charmless sword-and-magic tale with the most repugnant hero ever captured on film. I swear, he makes Captain Jack Sparrow look like George Clooney. He is not likable or charismatic at all, he is awful to look at, he has a libido that would put Wilt Chamberlain to shame, and he is horrible at protecting damsels. When you end up hating the protagonist of the film you are watching, RUN!!!!!!! I am not even going to comment on the story. It is something to do with twin sisters and this bad guy named Troxartis (sic) who want to control this army of ghosts who don't look so much like ghosts as they do like knights who have spent too much time in an abandoned warehouse. All of this leads to, fittingly enough, a nonsensical action climax where the heroine dies but no one is affected by it. Also, the princess (not the heroine; I know, I know) is a whiny brat. Not that I can blame her seeing that her rescuer is a complete jerk.All of the other aspects of this production are atrocious, as well; sets, music, costumes, editing, etc. There is some hammy acting from Thom Christopher as Troxartis and his wife whose name I can't remember. But they cannot even begin to salvage the train wreck of this movie. BTW, what Deathstalker wears in the torture scene is gross. So watch the version on MST 3K. If they can't convince you that this film is utter garbage, no one can.

There's really no need to go into plot details – with a movie this bad they hardly matter. Suffice it to say that what plot there is involves three (at least I think it was three – but it might have been two – not that anyone should give a rat's patooty) stones that, when put together, give the holder some sort of power (at least I think that's the point of the stones). Yada, yada, yada – who cares? None of it is in the least bit interesting anyway.I don't think you could make something as bad as Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell even if you tried. It's horrible in every conceivable way – bad acting, poor direction, nonsensical plot, lame special effects, and everything else you can think of. In all honesty, I cannot think of many movies that I would call worse than this pile of garbage. So, you may ask, "if it's so bad, why not rate it a 1/10?" My answer – while it's as bad a movie as you'll run across, Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell features a few moments of complete unintentional humor that did bring something resembling a smile to my face. I realize that giving the movie a point based on a couple of ridiculous moments might not be the best way to rate a movie, but it's not like I gave it a 10/10. 2/10 is still bad! I actually watched the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version of the movie. While I enjoy(ed) MST3K, I'm one of those who sincerely believe that the movies featured on the show should be judged on their own merits. You shouldn't assume that just because a movie was lampooned on television that it's a bad movie. Tastes and opinions vary. So even some of the real stinkers that appeared on MST3K like Manos or Skydivers, I've seen without the riffing. But in the case of Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell, I cannot imagine watching it on its own. It's so bad and features so very little in the way of entertainment that MST3k appears to be the only way to go.

Ugh...this movie's ridden with badness that it's good.I have seen Miles O'Keefe in Cave Dwellers and it always gets laughs seeing Ator prance around with his cape. Deathstalker slaps Cave Dwellers around like Ike Turner. There's a quest, I think, and stars a guy who auditioned for "The Greatest American Hero" and got rejected miserably. Not as much death as I'd hoped, but he does stalk several women in the film who's acting makes plankton eligible for academy award nomination. I swear I felt bile churning...not in a good way, but that was the whole Renaissance Festival fiasco gone horribly dull. Mike & the bots had to watch this a lot...it shows in the skits. Oh, don't forget sexually repressed wife who finds solace in sadistic torture with vials of melting....thing. I think there's a spaceship, and vicious canids and....oh, wait.However, I really did detest Cave Dwellers after first viewing. MaybeDeathstalker will grow on me....then I will get it cauterized.