The Worst Film Ever

Great movie! If you want to be entertained and have a few good laughs, see this movie. The music is also very good,

Unshakable, witty and deeply felt, the film will be paying emotional dividends for a long, long time.

An old-fashioned movie made with new-fashioned finesse.

This week I just watched Hellraiser 3 – failure, amateur hour action nonsense. And Hellraiser 4 – failure, amateur hour, some interesting ideas, still garbage. Now Hellraiser 5 – again some interesting ideas, and decent fx, but padded unnecessary long scenes of boredom and drawn out garbage.The ideas of #5 is fine. We have a cop that is not so nice, he steals money, does drugs, cheats on his wife with prostitutes, beats up on informants, entraps/blackmails his partner. For all that he gets a ride on the Hellraiser train. The problem is, yes he's not a good guy, but maybe they could have found a truly evil fellow to put on that train. He's not all bad, he's trying to find the child before the guy leaving the kids fingers behind at each death scene. He finds the evil box, opens it and he is tormented till the end of the movie. Great. The problem is boring dialogue, not even so bad it's funny. Except it even got to that point in the middle of the movie, where I was laughing at the choices the filmmakers made in each scene.We get Pinhead for a few seconds in the first 20 minutes, then he shows up again towards the end. I didn't have a problem with that. In #3 and 4 he just kept blabbing and blabbing continuous nonsense, I started hating he how he tortured me with his words. At least the Pinhead performance was great in this one. And most of the demons and fx were great. The cinematography was decent as well. Music was competent. The main problem is the drawn out dialogue and nonsense scenes and the editing. The acting was OK, not great, better than #3 and 4 but given the dialogue and story who cares.As it is I would only recommend this to people who need to see every single Hellraiser movie. It has some interesting ideas and given the weak dialogue, acting and editing, it is a prime candidate for reediting and cut down from 99 minutes to maybe 70 minutes.The fx and the demon scenes are good and some other decent scenes. Currently I can only give this a C or D, 3 maybe 4 rating. If cut to 70 minutes, it can be a 5 or maybe even a 6 star movie, which I would recommend.OK, I just watched #VI and it made me reconsider #V. Compared to #VI, #V is a masterpiece. I am officially upgrading the rating to 4. Please reedit this movie to 70 or 75 minutes, cut out the nonsense. I don't need more Pinhead. I need less nonsense.

The previous instalment of Clive Barker's Hellraiser franchise (although by this point I doubt he wants his name anywhere near the credits), Bloodline, whisked the Cenobites, the puzzle box and all of its desperate-for-a-pay-cheque actors into space. Since this is a sure-fire sign that a horror franchise is doomed and out of any fresh ideas, it was no surprise that number 5, Inferno, found itself heading straight to VHS. With Dimension Films hoping to keep the rights to a series they hope could someday be 're-booted' and back in the cinemas, they began picking up unrelated horror scripts and shoe-horning Pinhead and his minions into the story, slapping the 'Hellraiser' title on the cover to at least attract the hardcore fanbase.Joseph Thorne (Craig Sheffer) is a good detective with a bad attitude. Although he is highly intelligent with a gift for solving puzzles and, er, amateur magic tricks, he snorts cocaine, beats on innocents who won't answer his questions, and sleeps with prostitutes who apparently kiss on the lips. Along with his partner Tony (Nicholas Turturro), he discovers the Lament Configuration box at the murder scene of an old school friend who has been torn apart by hooked chains. The murder puts him on the path to 'The Engineer', a mysterious man who leaves the severed finger of a child at each of the murder scenes. Yet once Thorne solves the puzzle, he starts to hallucinate, having visions of strange, deformed creatures who torment him.As a direct-to-video effort and an entry into the atrocious, never- ending set of Hellraiser sequels, Inferno isn't all that bad. As an actual film, it's a cliché-ridden bore that neglects to give a substantial role to the franchise's (no pun intended) pin-up boy, Pinhead (Doug Bradley). Nobody picks up a DVD box with a picture of a demon with nails hammered into its head wanting to see a slow- paced detective story that plays out like Bad Lieutenant (1992) directed by Uwe Boll. The make-up budget can't be blamed either, as we are given a few scenes with lesser, ineffective Cenobites including, I think, two that know kung-fu and wear cowboy hats in the film's most random scene. Directed by an up-and-coming Scott Derrickson, let's hope he's now experienced enough to deliver a coherent Doctor Strange due later this year.

This is quite a unique departure from the usual over-the-top blood and gore that the first four Hellraiser films have satisfied fans of Clive Barker's visionary interpretation of desire and doom over the years. Director, Scott Derrickson takes us into the life of a brilliant but amoral police detective, Joseph Thorne, played by Craig Sheffer (who's no stranger to Clive Barker's surreal world from his role in "Nightbreed") Thorne is a master chess player and puzzle solver which brings us to his story. He also cheats on his beautiful wife with hookers and neglects his family, but when he stumbles across the infamous "Lament Configuration" puzzle box, he begins his descent into hell, which is ultimately an illogical mixture of reality and fantasy as he has to solve ghastly murders of people in which he was acquainted with and the disappearance of a child. It is somehow all designed by a character referred to as the "Engineer" that is actually the one and only Pinhead. This seems to be more for fans of the psychological thinking man's horror film than the traditional Gothic gore thriller. Craig Sheffer handles the material well as he must put together the impossibly complex world that is ultimately his chosen hell. The cenobite demons in this installment are strangely erotic shape-shifters of some sort, and many scenes have a convoluted dream-like quality. Pinhead gets very little screen-time, but when he emerges for the finale confrontation, its all the well worth the wait. Features good turns from Nicholas Turturro, James Remar and not to mention Doug Bradley's exquisitely demented Pinhead. Most fans should approve. Derrickson will go on to write and direct "Sinister" and the excellent, "Exorcism of Emily Rose"

Inferno, the fifth film in the Hellraiser franchise and the first to go straight to DVD, stars Craig Sheffer as corrupt police detective Joseph Thorne, who snorts drugs and screws hookers instead of spending time with his attractive wife Melanie (Noelle Evans) and young daughter Chloe (Lindsay Taylor). After Thorne takes a strange puzzle box—the Lament Configuration—from the scene of a crime (as well as a vial of cocaine, which he shares with his next hooker), he finds himself entering a hellish world where he is plagued by his worst nightmares and a mysterious killer known as The Engineer.With solid direction by Scott Derrickson and good performances all round, this is a technically proficient sequel, but it does suffer from a storyline that treads an awful lot of water: once Thorne fiddles with the Lament Configuration and enters its domain, there isn't an awful lot in the way of plot progression (or Cenobite action, for that matter), the remainder of the film consisting of a series of confusing incidents that, while undeniably atmospheric, only serve to waste time until the final revelation, which isn't all that unexpected when it arrives. Think 'noir mystery crossed with Jacob's Ladder' and you have Hellraiser: Inferno.5.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 6 for IMDb.