Best movie of this year hands down!

Touches You

Simply A Masterpiece

I didn’t really have many expectations going into the movie (good or bad), but I actually really enjoyed it. I really liked the characters and the banter between them.

Holy molly maccarroni this movie is atrocious. I've seen dead bodies that are more entertaining than this. My expectations were null and even then I feel disappointed.The sets are horrible. For being in the year 3000 apparently wheelchairs have not evolved and space suits are just duct-taped. The acting is atrocious. Not even in a funny-to-watch way. Coolio tried to save this movie but no. Even the bazoongas line fell flat. It just came out of nowhere. I am confused.The plot is utterly terrible: A group of mercenaries found a space station that has been lost for half a century, which incidentally was carrying bleeping Dracula and the last direct descendant of Van Hellsing. Yeah, I just wrote that.Even the plot twists are terrible. Why is she an spy robot? Why convert a sex robot into a spy? Seriously, why? Weren't there more robots around?Avoid it like the plague.

What troubles me the most is that there are some people who trusted a crew and equipment to this guy.. is it Darrel? And why they didn't kill him during the preview? Coolio did not save the movie, neither did Casper Van Dean and not even Udo Kier. Nobody could save it, because literally nobody was directing.. But.. Perhaps there can be only one reason for making this .. product..?I think they made a movie to show students - how the horror movie should NOT be. And since they spent some money and wanted it back, they made a H.R.GIGEResque poster, wrapped and released this piece. And they just got away with it..

The characters might seem progressive - black, white, male, female, disabled, ablebodied - if they weren't stereotyped to the point of almost being offensive.Naturally there's foreshadowing (about as subtle as a punch to the face) and no one follows through on anything remotely related to logic or critical thinking.Plot: A crew of 6 people (the captain being named Van Helsing) flies on a salvage ship to a long-lost cargo ship (which had been flying from "Transylvania station" to the "Carpathian galaxy") in attempt to claim its contents before the government gets there. --SPOILERS BELOW--As they explore the cargo ship, their own ship is somehow disconnected and flies off. Two of the crew find a bunch of coffins filled with sand, and they open some. The guy known as 187 cuts himself doing so, and bleeds on some of the sand. Of course it's a vampire, and reanimates offscreen; it bites 187 and disappears.The crew rushes to 187 at the sound of screams and all proceed to act like idiots (for example, they look at his newly-broken leg and ask what's wrong). Eventually he turns into a vampire and does absolutely nothing which makes any sense.We see the vampire who bit 187 and it's assumed that this is Dracula himself, although someone calls him Count Orlock, and apparently some people know vampires exist. Orlock is allegedly the last of his kind, despite all the other coffins around. Personally I'm curious to know how he's been doing all this stuff (like disconnecting Van Helsing's ship, etc, unless he didn't do it... but that makes even less sense) if he was dust/sand in a coffin, and this is never explained.187 is done in by a pool stick (a wooden stake in space, how convenient) and the second-in-command is revealed to be a robot because somehow that makes sense to the writers.Then nothing interesting happens. All the characters are terrible and unlikeable, and I find myself wishing the ship explodes and kills them all. There are plot holes and continuity errors so large you could pilot a 747 through them.By the last 20 minutes I'm convinced this was made as a comedy instead of a serious sci-fi film. When the end of the movie comes, it's so sudden and unexpected I'm not sure what to feel except relief that this awful thing is over. My wish has been granted.--END OF SPOILERS--I'm not sure what to rate this film. Is it horrible? Is it supposed to be a parody of vampire movies? Am I supposed to enjoy this ironically, like The Room? Watching Dracula 3000 simply leaves me confused.

Excuse the blah in the title, I cannot end a title with a preposition even if the title is not a sentence. On the contrary do not simply ignore the blah. The blah is a metaphor. An ending finishes a story. While the preposition "for" is where the conversational meaning ends was added to the title to make it proper. The ending of Dracula 2000 was such a horrible way to end a film. I loved it so much. The ending is like a shotgun wedding for me, it was rushed, I felt the rush, and for some reason it ended with a happy marriage. Overall the movie was mostly horrible and would deserve 3 stars but the experience after the movie dropped made it one of my favorite bad movies up there with "The Room" and its ending. The ending left me giddy, rushing up and down the stairs for about a half of an hour, it was a wonderful feeling and that is why that this review is one of the higher rated ones.