As Good As It Gets

I cannot think of one single thing that I would change about this film. The acting is incomparable, the directing deft, and the writing poignantly brilliant.

The best films of this genre always show a path and provide a takeaway for being a better person.

The film's masterful storytelling did its job. The message was clear. No need to overdo.

Vicious psycho the Baron (hulking behemoth Nehemiah) goes on a gruesome decapitation spree in a major city. The police hire rugged bounty hunter Blake (flatly played with all the charisma of moldy cheese by Peter Reh) to stop the loony. Sound good? Well, it just ain't. Boy, does this mind-numbing crapfest strike out something rotten in every possible way: The limp (non)direction, the plodding pace, a dull and talky script, the laughably fake and cheesy gore, the lousy acting from a lame no-name cast, the total dearth of any tension or creepy atmosphere, the plain and poorly lit cinematography, the generic hum'n'shiver synthesizer score, the ineptly staged action scenes, and the annoying and dissatisfying "it ain't over yet!" ending all add up to one seriously beat flick. Only the lively climactic confrontation between Blake and the Baron manages to generate a few long overdue thrills, but it's much too little way too late. A real stinker.

Gotta go with the bleach.I registered here just to warn people away from this movie. I love bad movies. This movie is not bad. It's not even a movie, except in the sense of there's a lot of pictures that make the illusion of movement on screen. I wouldn't be saying this much about it, except for the guidelines. Here's a spoiler that will save you the trouble: the bounty hunter kills the bad guy and becomes the voodoo god at the end. Dare we hope for Severed II? I'm going to go bite my own fingers off for making that suggestion.

I received a free copy of this movie from the director back when I used to run a movie review website. I actually enjoyed watching it, because it was free. However, crap acting and not being able to hear most of the dialogue did tend to p*** me off. Poor lighting throughout was another negative (actually not being able to hear or see it did have some appeal). There was one piece of decent acting however and I can't remember the guys name (and I'm not about to watch it again to get it) but the guy in the morgue was pretty good. So, if you get a free copy from the director, be happy and have a few laughs at it. Otherwise, don't waste your time or money.

OK, I love bad horror. I especially love horror bad enough to make fun of. Demonicus, or House of the Dead - those were bad enough to make fun of. Severed was not.It was worse.(spoilers - who cares?)My friend and I sat through the entire film, and I have a number of comments, both in the "this sucks" style and in the realm of actual critiques.Plot (sort of) - There's a guy in this city (which is possibly Seattle, see comment below) who is running around and cutting off heads. He's been doing this for over a year (I'm not going back to get exact numbers - thank you VERY much), possibly two or three years. One head a week. And the police are JUST NOW calling in a "specialist" (who ONCE refers to himself as a psychic, but that never comes up again).Schya right! Feds take over after, what, THREE connected homicides? After NEARLY A HUNDRED SIMILAR KILLINGS we'd be under freaking martial law!!!!!Anyway, this "specialist" consults the voodoo chick who the police have been ignoring the entire time, and the two of them come to the conclusion that it's Baron Samedi, a voodoo spirit, who is cutting off heads to gain enough power to make himself a body (and then presumably take over the world - or possibly just go to Disneyland).Um.Setting - where IS this happening? Well, if you're not from Seattle, you might not realize that at the bar/rave (occupied by about ten of the movie staff and their family members), there's a poster for a local radio station, and that in the highly-entertaining, "Pulp Fiction"esqe dialog (as IF) between the two cops (yes, the ones who get their heads cut off about 15 minutes into the flick) they discuss "the new stadium" which may still have been an issue when this movie was made.Being from Seattle, I apologize on the movie's behalf and hang my head in shame.OK, here's where it gets really critical - being a horror movie writer (not published, don't go looking for my name in the IMDb), I do research. Lots of research. And unlike the writers of this movie, I know that Baron Samedi - while a Voudon Loa (spirit) who guards the graveyards and has traditionally been associated (by various Christian oppressors) with "Satan" - is actually a "Loki"-like trickster god. In other words, he doesn't cut off heads.Besides, a major part of the Voudoun religion is that Baron Samedi can have a body whenever he wants. Their religious ceremonies center around the possession of various members of the congregation by the loa.Not to mention, if he's already possessed someone, why make a NEW body?Also, if Baron Samedi GOT a body, he wouldn't go around cutting off heads, he'd get some good rum and cigars and par-TAY!!!In summary, the only thing they did get (surprisingly) right is that in the completely unnecessary Tarot card reading (used only to show that the voodoo chick is "spooky") they didn't screw up the interpretations of the cards the way most movies do. Again, I've done research. (Anyone remember the old late-night ad for phone-in tarot readings - "The lovers - you will soon fall madly in love..." and all that nonsense?)If you made it this far through my comments, I congratulate you. And I'm sorry again. I'll be more sorry if you feel the need to watch the film on account of me, so please don't.