The Worst Film Ever

Simply A Masterpiece

Let's be realistic.

When a movie has you begging for it to end not even half way through it's pure crap. We've all seen this movie and this characters millions of times, nothing new in it. Don't waste your time.

Most art movies fall over because of their pretentiousness. This one is bad because it is, well, bad. Incredibly badly made. It doesn't have enough plot to even aspire to being pretentious. Throw in some very weak performances and you have a craptacular movie.The initial idea wasn't that original to start off, and reminded me of 9 Songs (for a few reasons...). However, 9 Songs had a reasonable plot, OK performances and some fantastic music. Not a great movie, but it was OK.BrilliantLove, on the other hand, has nothing going for it. It just seems to drift throughout, with no point, unlikable characters and very lacklustre performances.Avoid.

"The Orgasm Diaries" (originally "BrilliantLove" - a far better title) is an unusual British Indie film combining explicit eroticism with a fairy tale narrative. Manchester and Noon are a young couple deliriously in love and ravenous for each others' bodies. Supposedly he is some kind of slacker freelance photographer and she a taxidermist, but neither appear to have any employment. They live in a scruffy shed located in a field, where they roll around in lubricious, carnal couplings most of the day and into the night. Manchester habitually records their love-making with his Instamatic camera - until one fateful evening when he forgets his newly printed photos in a pub where they are discovered by a trader in erotica. This businessman tracks down the lustful photographer in order to tempt him with gallery exhibits and worldly success - which subsequently leads to a schism between the lovers when Manchester inexplicably fails to inform Noon that their intimate moments are destined to become merchandise to tickle the fancy of art connoisseurs.The film is somewhat flawed by the way director Ashley Horner chooses to tell his story. He gives it the flavor of a stylized fable, and makes little effort to convince his audience of its reality. Manchester and Noon are portrayed as naive children of nature, and the art world as a zone of sinister decadence. Such stark contrasts undermine belief in the lovers' desolation at their estrangement - which is a great pity since Liam Browne and Nancy Trotter Landry give intense, uninhibited performances as the besotted pair. In particular, Landry's portrayal of Noon is an authentic and sensitive depiction of an earthy young woman made radiantly beautiful by sexual desire. The film has many sophisticated and original passages, but the casual oversights in plotting and character result in the impression that the director missed an opportunity to produce something truly extraordinary.

My being is mystified about the tepid reception for this nice little film. In seeing a review that says it is just a contemporary view for today's explorers, I find a great fallacy. It is a struggle also of those left from the 'sixties' of freer loving, understanding some of the stresses of attraction, personal afflictions and distractions as well as rebelling against the mores of the time.The sexuality is both erotic and struggling between desire and freedom. The actors are both much of many persons and dreams, if fleeting or denied. It is extreme at times, but not too. It reveals moments of drunken exuberance and drunken pain, but both are in harmony with deep emotionality, sensuality, creativity and sexuality.With 'Dreamers' being also a favorite, another rare struggle of unfathomable desires played against situations of the moment, I am obviously partial to our sexual enticements, left over from a partially fulfilled life in the sixties. I knew these temptations, experiences, irrationalities and substance induced moments, when things were different. Beyond the erotics of the film, there are a lot of sensualities, both in the still pictures and in the well thought angles of some of the cinematography. This is far more than an excuse for porn, despite the pressured direction of the protagonist who took advantage of this beautifully erotic couple, and who tried to turn their simple erotic complexity into something less than personal.I would recommend this even to conservatives to see that the angst that goes on in life is real. This is a movie about one of the struggles of humanity. Sex is good and how we go about it is personal, and should be able to be portrayed as a personal trip, which this film does. Whether male or female, you should find some identity and eroticism, no matter your background, present or what you would admit.

I was fortunate to be one of the first to see this at the EIFF press screening. I haven't felt a film speak so honestly before. Here we have two characters Manchester and Noon, tangled in a sexually fuelled and intense relationship. They both live for the moment and everything outside their world threatens their together-ness. The film focuses heavily on racy, intimate scenes between the pair. The chemistry between the two is very believable, I especially enjoyed Noons character played by Nancy Trotter Landry. her angelic face catches every single moment of emotion and you are sometimes taken aback at how filthy she is during the film. I also commend Liam Browne who plays Manchester for being brave enough to show his genitals whether urinating or being frozen cold. I haven't seen a film like this where a relationship is so thoroughly sexually explored.The plot of the film is lacking slightly but I feel it is contrasts the mundane northern feel. Nevertheless very good acting and I was fixed to my sit throughout. This feels like the way British cinema should be going, bold, brash and modern.