Please don't spend money on this.

Fantastic!

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

There are moments in this movie where the great movie it could've been peek out... They're fleeting, here, but they're worth savoring, and they happen often enough to make it worth your while.

Read the title. Everything about this movie was godawful. It was terrible. Really really bad. Hated it. Worst movie ever. Chris Klein should kill himself. Did I mention it sucked? Well it did. The worst part about it was the acting, storyline, directing, and dialogue. Anyone who likes this movie should be sterilized. Who greenlit this trainwreck? Whoever that is should be in prison. I may sue for infliction of emotional distress. I can't even deal. I can't even. When our society collapses, future historians will see this film as the cause of our downfall. I'm not exaggerating. The thing I hated most about it was everything.

To be fair, it has been several years since I watched the bile committed to celluloid known as "Here on Earth," so forgive me if my memory of the film is a little sketchy. I'll stick with the main points which plague the soul of the unfortunate viewer.Scene One: Chris Klein, after having been thrown out of prep school (because he looks like a seventeen year old--yes, very believable), gives what I assume is his valedictorian speech...to a field. Let me repeat that for you--a field. I think we're supposed to be moved by the combination of shame and eloquence he is failing to express. Klein has the delivery and facial expressions of a cardboard cutout. He is a decent looking piece of cardboard, but little more.Scene Two: After some joyriding and teenage pyromaniac hijinks, Chris Klein and Josh Hartnett do some damage to the local diner, of which he is forced to rebuild. Of course. Because who better to help with construction than some random moron who crashed into it/ burned it in the first place. Better yet, let's have said random moron move in on Josh Hartnett's girl, Miss Sobeski, the girl he fancies for...her equally wooden line delivery? Scene Three: Chris Klein's character is making out with Leelee Sobeski's character and decides to name her various body parts after the states on the eastern seaboard. My soul weeps. Really, how can this scenario turn out well? Surely you must alienate several million people if you imply their home is equivalent to Miss Sobeski's more...erm...feminine areas. Secondly, naming her breasts after New York and New Jersey prompts some confusion as to whether Miss Sobeski is actually freakishly disproportionate.Scene Four: Leelee is running. She falls down. This gives her...knee cancer. "We always knew it could come back," her father(?) says. Right. Knee cancer. From tripping. Perhaps I missed something. As I said, it's been a few years. Surely I missed something. Didn't I? For the love of God, please tell me the girl did not contract KNEE cancer from falling down. That scream you just heard was my soul dying.

Dear Mr. Seitzman, Or Whomever I May Hold Responsible For Mr. Seitzman Not Meeting His Rightful Fate Of Being Eaten Alive by Rabid Wolverines;I do not know you, and so cannot comment on your character; for all I know, you give to charities and help little old ladies cross the street. Still, I must insist, for the common good, that you never write another screenplay as long as you live. Put down the pen, step away from the laptop! If you refuse to heed the pleading of wounded brains, I have watched a movie or two in my life, and I believe you will find my counsel helpful: 1. Do not include love scenes in which overwrought teenage boys name the body parts of their girlfriends after US states. If you must pen such a scene, please do not name the breasts "New York" and "New Jersey"; it causes unnecessary speculation as to which cities occupy the nipples. Also, it is almost incomprehensibly stupid and annoying.2. Do not rely solely on John Hughes movies in order to reinforce class distinctions.3. Do not bludgeon the audience over the head with exhausted clichés. Yes, yes, Kelley and Sam stand out in the rain, and it cleanses them of their cares. We get it. Yes, the roses continue to bloom in Kelley's dead mother's greenhouse, even though every other plant has begun to rot. It Is A Symbol Of Their Love. It is also very painful when applied via blunt-force trauma to the backs of our heads. For the love of God, Mr. Seitzman, we get it. We all get it, all across the land. Amish people, the hard of hearing, unborn babies - we all get it.4. Do not require the actors to perform mime sequences. Ever. No, never.5. Did I mention that you should ease up on the trite symbolism? Because the audience can draw the parallel between the rebuilding of the restaurant and the building of the relationship between Kelley and Sam without any help. Truly. We get it.6. Go through your script, and cull out the following lines, and any lines resembling them: "I don't know what we are anymore." "I don't want to lose you." "He's just like the rest of them!" (And its corollary, "Daddy, you don't even know him!") 7. Yes, yes, she's in heaven, running around in a field. We get it.8. And in other news, we get it.I have seen dozens of terrible movies in my life; I never expected to suffer for your art, and I would have just left the theater, but an elephant with the words "DOOMED LOVE" painted on its side fell from the sky and pinned me to my seat.In closing, your writing bites, you owe me ten dollars, and I hate you.

Perhaps I am a softie or a romantic, but I can't agree with many who pan this film. It is far from the greatest of films, but it was touching in many ways. It is rather formulaic, but the formula works here for the most part. A rich upstart teenager comes into a small town and manages to get into a fight with a local and burn down the local diner. In a made-for-television kind of Solomonic wisdom, the judge sentences them to work together to rebuild the diner, Mabel's Table, the 'hot spot' of this whistle-stop town. Rich out-of-towner and local boy fight over the local girl, who has a tragic secret she is concealing.Leelee Sobieski, plays the lead as Samantha, the local girl track star whose knee gave out, jeopardising her chance to go to college. Chris Klein plays Kelley, the spoiled rich kid who is nonetheless intelligent and has a heart he begins to discover during his time in the small town. Josh Hartnett is Jasper, the local boy who wants nothing more than to keep things the way they are, including his relationship with Samantha. Most of these performances are serviceable without being stellar; they are typical romantic B-film fare, with many long, ponderous glances overlooking scenic views, and silly situations in which everyday life is shown.The action is slow, but then, it isn't meant to be a fast-paced film. Samantha is torn between the comfortable sameness of her life in the small town with Jasper and her family, and the attraction that rich 'bad boy' Kelley represents, particularly after she learns he does have a heart. Samantha overhears Kelley reciting the valedictory speech he was prevented from delivering because of his sentence to build the diner; Kelley in the end does get to the deliver the speech, under different circumstances.Jasper and Kelley fight (both verbally and physically) over the affections of Samantha, but when Samantha falls ill, they are able to put this aside for her sake. The diner is rebuilt, the town is restored to wholeness, but the situation with Jasper, Kelley and Samantha enters a new dimension, as fate has a different ending in store that none of them anticipated at the beginning of the summer.The other actors in the film are really background for the tale - few stand out, but one who does is Annette O'Toole, who plays Samantha's mother, a role very similar to the one she takes up on 'Smallville' as Clark Kent's mother.The story is gentle, sad, poignant - not terribly original, but very understandable in human terms. Love is unpredictable, and love often hurts. Love sometimes requires a sacrifice. Love can transform you. These are all themes that come across in the film, if not always terribly successfully.It is a film worth watching, though.