Touches You

Just perfect...

This is a coming of age storyline that you've seen in one form or another for decades. It takes a truly unique voice to make yet another one worth watching.

Actress is magnificent and exudes a hypnotic screen presence in this affecting drama.

Sylvester Stallone directed and produced as well as starred in Paradise Alley about three brothers named Carboni. Sly is a gladhanding con man of the first order. He might even have conned a 4F for himself to get out military service in World War II. Flat feet was a mighty subjective deferment back in the day.Brother Armand Assante served however and now walk with a limp and is a bitter man now working as an undertaker. The youngest is a giant of a man Lee Canalito who works as an iceman. Carrying those blocks of ice up several tenement stories in Hell's Kitchen will develop your biceps.When at Paradise Alley which is a local underground nightclub/sports arena Canalito wins an arm wrestling match with a local wrestler managed by the club owner Kevin Conway. It occurs first to Stallone that Canalito's physique and Rocky like training and dedication might be a way out of Hell's Kitchen. It starts to look that way, but the brothers themselves change in interesting ways.I have to single out Frank McRae former football player who delivers a memorable performance as a down and out wrestler who lives on Conway's pocket change. His last scene with Stallone is memorable.So is Conway. He's one nasty little customer, constantly using derogatory ethnic terms. Stallone made a very good point about the ethnic rivalries in working class neighborhoods like Hell's Kitchen. In the end Canalito embarrasses Conway, humiliates him more likely in a way that he will never be an intimidating figure again.Paradise Alley might not have gathered the enduring following that Rocky did. But it is still a fine and enduring film.

In a review of 1984's Rhinestone I claimed that it was roughly the point where Sylvester Stallone's career started to become derailed. Yet having watched Paradise Alley, I realise I was wrong.It's astonishing just how rapidly the actorly ego and lack of people to tell him "no" emerged. Stallone's first two post-Rocky movies featured him in America's past. F.I.S.T (7/10) had him play a 1930s union man, backed by the superlative Rod Steiger and directed by the man behind In The Heat of the Night. Spending nearly two hours watching Stallone as a union rep is an odd choice right on the back of the commercial hit Rocky - kind of like following up Raging Bull with a pseudo-biopic of Arthur Scargill - but it's a decent film, generally well made. Yet somehow that same year someone had convinced Stallone that not only could he direct, but he could also sing as well. Groaning the forgettable title tune, he delivers a childlike depiction of 1940s slum life in Paradise Alley, an overearnest tale that produces laughs only when none are intended. Both his 1978 films feature an arm wrestling match, nine years before he'd make an entire film around the sport in guilty pleasure Over The Top. But just take a look at the depictions of said arm wrestling matches in both '78 vehicles... Norman Jewison's is the one that's not making you cry with unintentional laughter.Stallone isn't an awful director, but there's no reason why he should have discarded the original Rocky director for four of the sequels. (In fairness, when John G. Avildsen was brought back, then Rocky V was a famous misfire). But in just one month he moved from shooting a film under the watchful eye of the man behind The Thomas Crown Affair to shooting a movie under the watchful eye of the man behind Staying Alive and The Expendables. The difference is hugely pronounced, as F.I.S.T has a relatively controlled and purposeful performance from Stallone, while Paradise Alley has him wholly believing he's being charming and likable (a la Balboa), instead of just obnoxious and tiresome. The character he plays in Paradise Alley is as likable a character as Stallone is good at singing. Ultimately the entire movie comes off as a vanity project, and far from a good one: the difference between the two films could not be more marked.

Apparently this movie was not beloved by critics like the original Rocky, and I had personally never heard of it. I just happened to catch it on television once and decided to watch it and while I am not the biggest wrestling fan this movie kept my interest. Wrestling is more of a side note anyways, it plays an important part in the movie, but the main focus is on these three brothers and that is what makes it enjoyable to watch, the last wrestling match in fact detracts from the movie as it was less entertaining than seeing the interplay between the brothers as they try to make their lives better. Like I said nothing all that great, but it held my attention while it was on and you get some spots from actual wrestlers Ted Debiase and Terry Funk, there may have been others, but they were the only ones I noticed, but like I said not the biggest fan of wrestling. If they could have substituted street brawling or something in its place it may have worked better as a movie, but as it is it is okay.

Not everyone gets the just of this movie but for those that do it is a laugh riot!! Stallone is hysterical as the animated Cosmos Carboni who is incessantly trying to make an easy buck with random scams. Armand Assante plays Lenny, Cosmos' older brother and voice of reason for the Carboni Boys. Finally, there is the younger brother Vick who can haul 300lbs of ice up 15 flights of stairs without blowing his breakfast but has the IQ of a gnat. So many scenes are gut busters in this movie and I don't want to give them away but a few of my favorites include: Stallone waking up hungover to discover a plate full of roaches on his previous night's dinner. He proceeds to take aim on the plate with his Louisville Slugger and shatters it along with the roaches with his brother and pet bird looking on. The same day he is out in the streets freezing with a stolen concierge outfit on, holding a monkey chained to a table and chanting "see the dancing monkey!" This is his latest money making scheme after Vick won the monkey in a previous night's arm wrestling match. Anyway, it's crude and low brow humor, but that is what makes this film a great Friday night viewing among good buddies.