Boring

Fanciful, disturbing, and wildly original, it announces the arrival of a fresh, bold voice in American cinema.

It's an amazing and heartbreaking story.

The film never slows down or bores, plunging from one harrowing sequence to the next.

I'm not a fan of the Scary Movie franchise, or those blasted ..... movie movies, so I knew what I was letting myself in for, but in the back of my head, I thought, just one of these movies, just one, could change the way they make these movies.It's still need to be made though. There is one good visual gag involving the Ring right at the beginning, and then it goes way of the old toilet humour and sexual innuendo gags at every level possible.The cast are given very little to do, apart from scream, act really stupid, and just generally irritate the audience.Story is silly but to the point, titular character has to deliver some videos (even though there DVDs) and ends up getting lost and the townsfolk mistake him for Hugh Jackman.Cue lots of unfunny jokes referencing slasher movies of the eighties and Leslie Nielsen in a wig and make up.It's as bad as it sounds.I wish I hadn't had bothered.

attack of the killer tomatoes, rocky horror, killer klowns from outer space, chud, troma, scary movie sequence not another teen movie, the relic, psycho.... and you wont give this a better star rating? i will give it 10 on principle... movie noobs. Punk bands make millions, going on tour and selling albums. They all became rich. And when you're rich, its hard to stay angry at the world. The fuel, the spark that started it all was gone. If you've watched The Dark Knight, there's a line in there that fits perfectly: You either die the hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain. Those were the two options punk had. either quit at the top of their game, or continue on making money, but become total posers. This point is where most bands broke up. they said "screw it, we've gone as far as we can".

"Stan Helsing" is a dreadfully dull comedy that is poorly written, poorly paced, and not very well thought out. It's a shame, too, because the movie's title made me laugh.If you've seen the DVD cover of this movie, it tells you that the movie is made "by the executive producer of 'Scary Movie' (2000)". It makes me wonder why "Scary Movie" worked as a comedy and as a spoof, yet those who collaborated upon it have failed miserably when making their own spoof movies in a similar vein.Of course, I'm talking mainly about Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, two out of the six writers of "Scary Movie" who went on to make abominably unfunny parody films like "Date Movie" (2006) and "Meet The Spartans" (2008). In fact, the reason I wanted to see "Stan Helsing" in the first place was because Friedberg and Seltzer had absolutely nothing to do with it. However, while "Stan Helsing" is slightly more deserving of a theatrical release than anything by Friedberg and Seltzer, it shouldn't be commended simply because it sucks a little less than "Date Movie".In fact, you can tell just how desperate this movie is when the opening credits read "Stan Helsing: A Parody". Whenever a comedy tells an audience in writing what sub-genre it is, you may want the next hour and a half of your life back already.Stan Helsing (Ashton Kutcher lookalike Steve Howey) is a clerk at Schlockbuster Video (Yep, that's the name of the place). In one of the worst set-ups to any story, he is ordered by his manager to deliver a set of videos to the boss's mom. The problem is that it's Halloween, and his friends are picking him up in their van to go to a party.His best friend Teddy (Kenan Thompson) is dressed as Superman (reminding me immediately of Thompson's recurring character Superdude from his days on Nickelodeon's "All That" (1995)), and has two gorgeous ladies in the van with him. Stan's ex-girlfriend Nadine (Diora Baird) is allegedly dressed as an Indian, but is scantily clad enough to make any man in the audience not care. Teddy's squeeze is ditsy stripper Mia (Desi Lydic), who changes costume in a relatively clever running gag.Reluctantly, Teddy drives Stan to deliver the videos first, but of course they get lost. Stan keeps hearing that his ancestor is Van Helsing, who is described in this film as a monster killer. Of course, anyone with the slightest familiarity with vampire movies (not necessarily novels) will know Van Helsing as the man who hunts down Dracula in the Bram Stoker novel of the same name.I guess some people's minds have been poisoned by the Hugh Jackman vehicle, "Van Helsing" (2004). In that film, Jackman, as Helsing, attempts to kill not only Dracula, but Frankenstein's monster and the Wolf Man. The movie bombed, and came out six years before this one, thereby making it not very ripe for parody.Anyway, rather than Stan Helsing taking on the classic Universal monsters, he finds he has to kill more modern horror movie villains: Freddy Krueger ("Nightmare on Elm Street"), Michael Myers ("Halloween"), Pinhead ("Hellraiser"), Leatherface ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre"), Jason Voorhees ("Friday the 13th"), and Chuckie ("Child's Play"). The people playing these monsters not only look nothing like the originals, but they are also each equipped with cheap gags. Freddy Krueger wears a large watch around his neck a la Flava Flav, Pinhead has darts protruding from his head, Leatherface carries a leaf blower instead of a chainsaw, and Michael Myers wears a yarmulke.Yes, you read that right: Michael Myers wears a yarmulke. Why? Well, that character wears a white-washed Captain Kirk mask, and Captain Kirk was played by William Shatner, who is Jewish, I guess. The point is, these props don't make you laugh for very long, and mostly remained unexplained.In an even more wasted role, the late Leslie Nielsen just plays a guy in drag. Yeah, that's it. If someone had tried to call him Shirley, it may have been funny, but he just shows up, is in women's clothing, and that's really about it.There's also a tired Michael Jackson/pedophile joke that goes nowhere. Given that the film came out in 2009, the year Jackson died, the timing of the gag couldn't have been worse. The main cast isn't funny, the story makes absolutely no sense and goes nowhere, and there's an even dumber climax involving a karaoke contest. It doesn't even seem worth it to commend this film for not making outdated pop culture references.If you find yourself falling asleep during this film, just hope that Freddy Krueger appears in your dream and slashes this film reel to bits. At least that way, your dream will be more entertaining than this movie.

First off, I want to thank the writers and directors of this movie. Because of you, I want to become a screenwriter, because I know that no matter how terrible an idea I have for a movie, some idiot will fund it.I went into this movie knowing next to nothing about it. My secret vise is awesomely bad movies, and I didn't want bad reviews to dissuade me from watching it, because I know awesomely bad movies are not for everyone. My God, if only I had read the reviews.This movie was terrible. There was no plot, horrible acting, and the jokes were groan-worthy. Stan is a video clerk in the first 10 minutes of the movie, but that plot line drops as dead as the actors' careers, and turns into random wth moments. The other hour and twenty minutes are spent running away from a host of horror ripoffs and a franken puppy. Yeah, that's about it. Thank God I didn't spend any money on it, it was on Encore. Don't watch this garbage. You'll regret it.