Esther leaves her home in Buttevant and travels to Dublin on her pet donkey and tries to acclimatise herself to the new environment. Her father is constantly sent to the bold chair by Grandad for not calling him "Grandmaster". Jack and Grandad worry about her and sends Soupy Norman to visit and check up on her. He comes back with very little details. To combat homesickness, Esther watches a picture of an "old woman who lives outside the town".

Esther calls Jack, and asks him to come up to Dublin to visit her. Esther has been staying with Mrs. Gleeson, "a woman with red hair", and her daughter, Kylie. Kylie brings Esther along when she is out stealing. They steal a dog, Margarita (unable to walk due to "canine leg disorder") from Sean, a Dublin youth who has gotten his first job as a dog-walker. Esther later shoots Margarita as she is unable to sell her. Jack talks to Mrs. Gleeson to show him "that thing you do with your eyes", which she does. After returning home to Buttevant, him and Grandad order a pizza from Soupy Norman, which he is unable to give them.

Jack and Grandad wait 20 hours for the arrival of a taxi to go to the pub. While waiting, they are visited by Soupy Dave, a dodgy salesman, who attempts to sell them many types of fish (including a whale). Meanwhile, in Dublin, Sean is brought to the dole office by a taxi driver, as he is mistaken for a Romanian immigrant. After Soupy Dave is kicked out, Grandad tells Jack the story of how he met his wife, Esther, while working as a taxi driver in Dublin. Soupy Norman, their taxi driver, finally arrives very late in the night but refuses to take Grandad and quotes an exorbitant fare.

After Grandad starts talking to his eggs (calling it soup), and mistaking the dog for a fish, Jack suggests he go see a doctor. Grandad refuses, calling Jack a "disappointment." Jack visits a friend for advice on Grandad. She advises Jack to bring his dad to Soupy Norman. Soupy Norman's service, "Norman's Head Doctors," later arrives at the house, drunk, and offers very little help. Jack decides that sleep is the best solution. Meanwhile, in Dublin, Kylie is being forced to paint her head a different color by her father and, when she refuses, Mr. Gleeson threatens to leave the house and move to Italy. Mrs. Gleeson looks for medical solutions to stop her husband from leaving, which result in her painting her body five different colours.

When Tiny Bob, the young DJ of the "Red Car Bar" (a Dublin nightclub that has a red car suspended in the ceiling) decides to retire and become an old woman, Sean must find a replacement. Kylie helps him find one in DJ Hey, who only plays one song repeatedly. Jack and Grandad argue over whether to go to the disco, when Soupy Norman stumbles in, angry that the club didn't play "The Hucklebuck".

Esther receives constant discrimination for being from outside Dublin, being called a "culchie" and a "dog". Sean deals with an arrogant culchie from Clonmel by using a "spelling spoon" on his car. Esther calls Jack and tells him she's coming home to Buttevant the day after. While Jack and Grandad are drinking vinegar, Soupy Norman comes in asking to marry Jack's daughter, later revealed to be his other daughter, reacting to the thought of Esther with disgust, telling Jack he "wouldn't marry her if you paid me in swans".

The Costigans are worried their son Nathan and daughter Kylie are possessed by demonic spirits, so Susan goes to an exorcist. He openly states her children seem fine, and is only interested in her sexually. Sean needs money, so he gets involved in an internet betting scam run by Nathan. Using the codename "Champagne Supernova", he meets Tony the Cyclist near the statue of Patrick Kavanagh along the Grand Canal. While handing his money on, he is mugged. Meanwhile in Buttevant, Jack and Grandad discuss Soupy Norman going to a black mass. He bursts in, shouting "It's Soupy!".

Jack's estranged wife cannot beat him a staring contest, so she tries to arrange his murder. She first asks a politician called Finbarr, asking him to "put a sword up (Jack's) hole", but he is mainly interested in smelling her wrist. Sean overhears the conversation and phones the Gardaí, who do nothing. Finbarr sets Jack's house on fire, leading Jack to call "the Straz" (referring to the Polish term Straż pożarna, meaning firefighter). Jack's wife then asks Soupy Dave (previously seen in "Taxi") to murder Jack, but they end up having an affair instead. Soupy Norman comes into Jack and Grandad's house saying he'll kill the two of them with a frying pan. While they think he is joking, Jack is later hit over the head by Soupy.