Pretty Good

Instead, you get a movie that's enjoyable enough, but leaves you feeling like it could have been much, much more.

Not sure how, but this is easily one of the best movies all summer. Multiple levels of funny, never takes itself seriously, super colorful, and creative.

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

Machete Kills starts with a trailer for the sequel to Machete Kills. It's pretty funny. It's all downhill from there.Machete Kills is a parody of bad action movies, I suppose, but it reads more like it's just a bad action movie. The dialogue is awful; not funny awful, just really bad. The action sequences are over the top yet not that much fun. If not for that opening trailer, I'm not sure I'd even realize this was supposed to be a parody.After watching maybe 20 minutes I got bored and read some of the IMDb reviews. Some were so enthusiastic about the action sequences that I moved forward and watched one where the movie repeats the same gag within two minutes. I was underwhelmed.Not the movie for me.

This is so much better than the original. I still remember how disappointed I was this the original after all the hype coming off of the Grindhouse mid-movie trailers, but that is a whole other story I am not going to talk about because I am probably never going to watch the first Machete movie ever again. This film on the other hand is a blast; mainly because they corrected the problem of relying on Daddy Whatshisface as the lead. Basically they made him a sidekick in his own movie, and there is nothing wrong with that because it works. Regrettably, we are not going to get a "Machete Kills Again in Space" because this film didn't do well, probably because the first one kind of su&ked. But whatever, I'm over it. The only thing that doesn't work in this film is that lady from Modern Family. She is annoying as all heck and I never want to watch her in anything ever again.

"Machete don't tweet" is just one of the hilarious lines uttered by Danny Trejo's iconic character, Machete Cortez, in this new fun-as-hell sequel from Robert Rodriguez. If you pay attention, you might notice that Rodriguez has actually made a 'Star Wars' film with Machete in it this time around, complete with machete lightsabers, versions of carbonite and landspeeders, and characters similar to those in the 'Star Wars' universe. With an all-star cast and even more blood, guts and kills than the first one, this over-the-top sequel is highly entertaining.In this epic adventure, the President of the United States (Charlie Sheen, billed as "Carlos Estevez") calls up Machete to kill a Mexican drug lord named Mendez (Demian Bichir). Mendez suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, and switches back and forth from being an evil drug kingpin, to a heroic revolutionary, to a secret agent. You never know what you'll get with him, but Bichir plays the character with gusto and hilarity. Mendez has implanted a device that remotely connects him to a nuclear warhead. If his heart stops, the missile will launch and hit Washington, DC. Machete accepts this mission when the President grants him U.S. citizenship and assigns him a handler in the form of a beauty pageant queen (Amber Heard) who has every weapon imaginable hiding beneath her gowns.As soon as Machete starts the mission, bad guys come out of the woodwork to kill him, including a top assassin known as the Chameleon, who changes disguises frequently and can look like Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Antonio Banderas or… Lady Gaga. After some guts are spilled and a few heads chopped off, Machete figures out that a multi-billionaire weapons mogul named Voz (Mel Gibson) is behind the entire scheme, and has big plans to destroy Earth and set up a new life in space.Does any of this make sense? No, but it sure is a hell of a lot of fun to watch. From Sofia Vergara's man-hating dominatrix who uses her boobs as weapons, to Machete swinging an enemy's intestines into the blades of a helicopter, you're in for something special with this sequel. Trejo has an impressive presence and owns the screen every time he's on camera, even if his monotone dialogue never has any emotion. The supporting cast around him rounds out this zany but brilliant action adventure. Yes, Michelle Rodriguez and her one eye show up again, and spill a lot of blood.This schlocky grindhouse material is what Rodriquez is great at. I can't wait to see the next chapter, teased in this one with a trailer called 'Machete Kills Again… In Space'.

Critics need to lighten up, Machete Kills sports the 3 G's and the 3 S': Girls, Guns and Gore. Story, Substance and Style. This sequel sees Machete Cortez take on Luther Voz, a notorious weapons dealer who as Michelle Rodriguez' Luz puts it "has a missile aimed right up our asses". My only criticism of this movie is that it didn't need to be two hours. But this is one absolutely eye-popping balls out insane movie I've ever seen, it's gloriously bloody and big on laughs just like the first movie, although this sequel excels in terms of introducing new characters, the relentless killing of keys characters and the hotness of women. Sofia Vergara is wonderful as Desdemona, a "man-eater" as she puts it who goes on a revenge rampage alongside the heavenly sexy Alexa Vega starring as Killjoy, after one of their own is killed. I will never look at Modern's Family Vergara the same way again after watching this movie but that's a good thing, as she puts on her Double D-plated guns and her rocket firing penis-pistol and screams after Machete. I thought Lady Gaga's debut was excellent, she comes across as a genuinely unstable killer, and her acting style is very Tarantino and I hope she has future roles cause she certainly kicked ass and convinced. The gore and intestinal removal madness is back and as fun as ever, Machete's inventive kills include helicopter blade slashing, literal turning bodies inside out and so much more madness, you won't believe your eyes. The trailer for "Machete Kills Again...In Space" is pure genius, echoing days of MoonRaker alongside many Star Wars references, but throwing in gun toting women just for eye candy. Michelle Rodriguez makes a welcome return and loses her second eye but still fights for Mexico. Amber Heard delivers one of her career best as Miss San Antonio, a feisty and full-on agent working with Machete, but the best moment for Heard is the standoff between her and Rodriguez, it's a violent and bone crunching climax that hits hard. Mel Gibson absolutely kills it as Voz, it's his funniest role and the way he is all playful as the antagonist is so funny against the backdrop of bone- splattering violence. Then there's Carlos Estevez, or as most of you know as Charlie Sheen, using his real name as President RathCock, a foul-mouth say it as it is leader who hires Machete, Sheen is as entertaining as ever, and no one could've played this comedic part any better. Would I watch it again? Absolutely, this movie is a blast thanks to Robert Rodriguez' amazing style and solid direction, the unbelievable cast all of whom are perfect and the nutty nature that takes place from the cartoonish-ly bloody violence, Gaga's awesome debut, super sexy women (especially Vergara and Vega) and the relentless onslaught of hilarious gags.