Touches You

The Worst Film Ever

Sorry, this movie sucks

I like movies that are aware of what they are selling... without [any] greater aspirations than to make people laugh and that's it.

In reading a book about Fred MacMurray that came out last year I learned that he considered this the worst of his films. While I don't think it's as bad as all that the main weakness of Fair Wind To Java is the casting of Fred MacMurray in a part that was originally intended for John Wayne.The same author who wrote the novel this film is based on wrote Wake Of The Red Witch which I consider one of John Wayne's best films and certainly his most romantic. After The Quiet Man came out Wayne decided to terminate his relationship with Republic Pictures and Herbert J. Yates. Republic and Yates made most of their money peddling John Wayne to the major studios with him occasionally doing a film for Republic over the years. Try as he might MacMurray does not cut it as a swashbuckling captain of the China trade. Worse for him was the fact that his leading lady Vera Hruba Ralston was not what he was used to working with. He who made some of the best comedies around with people Irene Dunne, Claudette Colbert, Carole Lombard, Katharine Hepburn etc. found Ralston's lack of talent and professionalism too much.The villain of the story is Robert Douglas an Australian merchant who also goes around as a Malay pirate with a Lone Ranger mask. This was a true comic book villain I just couldn't take seriously.The climax is the eruption of Krakatoa where a cache of fabled diamonds are hidden in a temple. That's what MacMurray and Douglas and their respective crews are after. Now considering this is Republic Pictures and not one of the major studios the special effects aren't bad. And the color cinematography is nice.But if you're beyond the age of 12 it's hard to take Fair Wind To Java all that seriously.

Capt. Boll (Fred MacMurray) is sailing in the Dutch East Indies in search of diamonds. A slave girl Kim Kim (Vera Ralston) that he buys holds the key to the whereabouts of the diamonds and she becomes the target of pirates, led by Pulo (Robert Douglas) who are also after the same thing. The film is a race between Boll and Pulo to find the diamonds which are located on Krakatoa. As it happens, this all takes place at the same time as the volcano erupts.Its crap. I challenge the viewer to stay with it without wandering off and daydreaming about better things. There is no interest, drama, tension - its a straightforward plodding adventure. Its slow moving and the acting is terrible. Vera Ralston puts on a terrible accent - I mean, imagine pronouncing the word "volcano" as "volcarno" - that is an accent from nowhere! Also extremely irritating is Wilson (Paul Fix) as a pirate. Why have these false, unfunny comedy characters in stories? They are not needed and they provide no humour. Boll has a troop of comedy pirates with Wilson as the worst offender. He wears a ridiculous ear-ring as well. I'd have pushed him overboard.Robert Taylor's mask is quite effective when we first see it, and the volcano wakes you up in the last 10 minutes, but the film is just a waste of time. The sets are so obviously fake (the speed at which the water moves in the background is so laughably unnatural), the sound quality is poor and the model ships are pushed along at speeds that defy belief. At the end of the film you will be drained and just want to go to bed because you have been so bored for the last hour and a half.

Out in the Dutch East Indies and Captain Boll is out looking for treasure, diamonds to be exact. But he is not alone, and not only does he have to contend with on board grumblings, he has angry tribesmen and a rumbling volcano thrown into the bargain as well.Fair Wind To Java is a just above average adventure yarn, gleaming colour and a tidy production ensure it's a watchable piece. The standard plot formula {complete with pretty female love interest} is boosted by the film's last quarter, here the viewers patience is rewarded with fights aplenty and the presence of Krakatau volcano literally doing its stuff. In fact the last quarter is a joy for those with home cinema, rough seas and volcanic rumblings boom out of the speakers, and certainly up the ante of the viewing experience. Outside of that the film doesn't have much else to highlight, the acting in the main is fine, Fred MacMurray as Boll and Victor McLaglen as O'Brien both turn in solid professional performances, but Vera Ralston as Kim Kim is desperately poor in the main female role.Not one to recommend to adventure fans with any great confidence, but certainly worth a look on a rainy day. 6/10

Good guys vs, pirates in a race for a fortune in diamonds. Lots of action and much violence, especially in a scene where Vera Ralston, who plays an escaped slave girl, is captured by the bad guys and whipped to make her tell where the diamonds are. She dosen't tell and pays for it, leading to the explosive ending of a great erupting volcano scene.