Very disappointing...

The Worst Film Ever

It's fun, it's light, [but] it has a hard time when its tries to get heavy.

All of these films share one commonality, that being a kind of emotional center that humanizes a cast of monsters.

Producer: George A. Hirliman. Executive producer: Edward L. Alperson. Copyright 21 December 1936 by Grand National Films, Inc. No recorded New York opening. U.S. release through Regal Film Distributors. (The Film Daily published a review of this film on 17 April 1936). 66 minutes. SYNOPSIS: In order to obtain credit, a personable but down-on-his-luck schooner master spreads a false rumor that he has uncovered a vast pirate treasure. Setting: an island in the South Seas.NOTES: A companion piece to We're in the Legion Now. Both films were formerly distributed to TV by Screen Gems in washed-out black-and-white versions. It's good that we now have them in color, even if both prints are a bit worn and splicy. Still, there are so many jump cuts in the original negatives, one or two dozen more is not going to make much difference.COMMENT: Curiosity value (piqued by ingenious cast credit titles) but little else is on offer here in this scrappily directed South Seas travelogue-musical-Boy's Own Paper pirate adventure. Perhaps I'm being a bit hard on the film. The brothel madame (convincingly played by Margaret Irving) would never gain a place in Boy's Own. Nor would the sadistic Samson (played with a little too much enthusiasm by Roy D'Arcy). And the lovely but faithless Movita who enjoys the spectacle of men fighting over her, is yet another no-no.I also found pouring-on-the-charm-and-casting-off-the-shirt George Houston a bit hard to take as the singing hero, whilst somewhat plain and scratchy-voiced Marian Nixon failed to engender my interest in the heroine. The most capable and interesting performance came, oddly enough, from screenwriter Crane Wilbur who handed himself a sizable role as a sympathetic doctor. I also liked Harold Howard's crafty interpretation of a money-pinching yet money-mad trader. And it's good to say that Vince Barnett's portrayal of the hero's comic sidekick is a lot more restrained in Calamity than in his over-the-top Legion.Reinhardt's direction rated as one or two pegs more competent than Crane Wilbur's handling of We're in the Legion Now (which is faint praise indeed), though he does manage to capture enough sleazy island scenery to put us off traveling to Polynesia for life.

. . . is about as lame as it gets, starting with the back tattoo of "Captain Bill," which could have been done by JOHNNY after HE GOT HIS GUN. The CAPTAIN CALAMITY plot meanders as star George Houston doffs his shirt, breaks into song, or both--with little if any excuse. Kindly peripheral characters drop like flies, but Captain Bill never misses a beat. If Australia's future had depended upon the kind of alleged "chemistry" existing between the shirtless Mr. Bill and his buttoned-up co-star Marian Nixon back in the early 1900s, it's likely that the kangaroos and koalas would have Down Under to themselves today. When you consider that America was producing slick movies such as PUBLIC ENEMY and HEROES FOR SALE about the time that CAPTAIN CALAMITY was released, one puzzles over why this misbegotten mess didn't nip Aussie filmmaking in the bud. If it had, the world would have been spared countless subsequent examples of aimless mayhem, such as PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK, HEAVENLY CREATURES, GALLIPOLI, and both NED KELLYs (not to mention all the "dingo-ate-my-baby" flicks).

I truly dislike the word inappropriate. It has been overused, abused and slaughtered to death in our language of today. However, when it is used "appropriately", as it is here, it has an important factor in expressing a feeling. "Captain Calamity" had the potential to be a nice little color adventure from a growing poverty row studio, but there is definitely in this case an inappropriate use of humor throughout the film which comes at the strangest times. Jokes are thrown in as some of the characters are killed or lay there dying or injured, leaving a sort of unnecessary sardonic feeling to the events occurring on screen. It all surrounds a South Seas search for treasure and the fight between captain George Houston and various pirates who come in and out of the action. Then, add some rather insipid songs, and you have what might have been a nice little operetta on stage in the early 1920's, but is just an eye roller 15 years later.For one thing, certain characters seem to be splitting their loyalties down the middle, on Houston's side one minute then betraying him or plotting against him in the next with no apparent motive. Marian Nixon is his love interest, a pretty young lady with an alcoholic foster father (Crane Wilbur), while "Mutiny on the Bounty's" Movita is the second female lead in a storyline with Houston's loyal right-hand man Roy D'Arcy, a comic relief type who jokes around at the most awkward times. Margaret Irving adds some spark as the patroness of a South Seas dive, while Vince Barnett is the epitome of sleaziness as the greedy Burp. While you can't expect Technicolor like quality from a poverty row film, the over-use of blue makes it seem rather tinted than colored. Certain major studios used this form of color for their short subjects. But in the end it is the fault of the script which makes this less than memorable even though it is still worth a look to see the progress color films were making.

Really bad story of a Captain who is paid with a gold coin for transporting a passenger to an island. When people find out that he has a gold coin they assume he has a treasure and well… This film is a mess. As bad as it is, its also a watchable film in a so bad its good sort of way but its still a mess. Blame it almost all of the problems on the lead. George Houston as the Captain plays it with a smirk and a wink and completely destroys any credibility the film might have had. Trust me, as mediocre as the rest of the film Houston sinks the film single handedly because he's so jovial and joking and ever smiling that we can take nothing seriously. How did this guy ever have a career as anything other than a laughing idiot?For bad film lovers only.