I love this movie so much

Very very predictable, including the post credit scene !!!

The first must-see film of the year.

By the time the dramatic fireworks start popping off, each one feels earned.

This movie could have been an awesome b-movie, but instead is just...i don't even know what it is. While you watch it you won't stop saying "wait, what?!". A coursed girl and a boy try to smuggle themselves into los statos unidos by train, until she transforms in a huge viper and swallow the train (What?!). Basically nothing happens for the first hour of the movie. The director tries to introduce other characters and their stories but they're so shallow and bad that you won't even care about 'em. The only thing worth a mention that happens in the first 60 mins is the main character that rips another guy's heart using the Indiana Jones' evil thuggee lord's style. And that's it. Finally, when the clock strikes the end of the 60st minute, something happens: BOOBS. Really. Not that I don't like see topless girls, but hey, you're shooting a movie that s**ks and you want to rise it up a little by showing us boobs? OK, I appreciate that, but at least do it with a girl with nice, round and big ones (no offense Amelia). After that several snakes get unleashed, they start to attack people and the controls of the train break so nobody can stop it to get away from the snakes. I don't even wanna talk about the cgi used in the last scene. It's not worth it. What I liked about this movie, which is what saves it from a 1 out of 10, is that the producers didn't care at all about showing breasts for no reason and having a child swallowed hole by a giant python. Good splatter effects as well in the carved heart scene and in the arm-penetrating snakes one. Don't watch it. It's so bad that it's not even funny.

I happened to come across this movie by sheer blind luck, and of course this is a produced by The Asylum, who else would blatantly cash in on another movie with a similar plot, name and concept? After all, that is the trademark of The Asylum, is it not?"Snakes on a Train" is, no surprise here, a low budget cash in and rip off on the other just slightly better movie "Snakes on a Plane", also from 2006. You know, the movie with Samuel L. Jackson. However, "Snakes on a Train" takes places on a train - doh!The story is about two border jumpers from Mexico who are trying to get to Los Angeles in order to find a remedy for the ancient curse that is afflicting the woman border jumper. She is spewing out snakes, and these snakes turn rampart on the train, spreading havoc and mayhem.I will say that the storyline, with its subplots and attempts to incorporate various themes, failed ultimately more horrible than the fail in "Snakes on a Plane". The story in The Asylum's "Snakes on a Train" was just all the more laughable and badly executed. And it didn't really help the movie along in any sense that the characters were as hollow and wooden as the acting skills of those attempting to portray them."Snakes on a Train" is bad through and through. And not for a single moment did I believe that the movie was actually taking place on a locomotive train. Not even once did you get to look outside the windows in the train to see the passing by landscape and scenery. All windows were, oddly enough, semi-glossy and non-transparent.This movie is one to stay clear off, and it was a test of will to sit through this and keep watching it. I must admit that I eventually gave up and didn't finish the movie, because it was just that awful.

The cover illustration isn't a lie, in fact. In case you've never witnessed a movie in which an entire train (and not a small one, I may add) gets eaten by a preposterously humongous and pathetic looking CGI snake, here's your chance! Before you experience this, however, you'll have to struggle yourself through one of the most miserable and embarrassing pieces of trash ever made. There honestly aren't any words to describe how awful "Snakes on a Train" actually is. The script doesn't contain any coherence or logical development, the characters (as well as the actors and actresses depicting them) are pitiable morons and the special effects & action sequences are amateurish beyond comprehension. A female Mexican refugee and her lover illegally board a train from El Paso to Los Angeles. The woman has been cursed by her family, however, and she constantly barfs up thick green pea soup with little serpents in it. She needs to keep the serpents with her in order to survive, but some of them nevertheless slither away to the next carriages. Then, for some inexplicable reason, the little black snakes mutate into various species of enormous colorful snakes and begin to feast on the rest of the passengers. This is embarrassing, bottom-of-the-barrel stuff, quickly made to cash in on the unexpected huge success of "Snakes on a Plane", and I'm pretty sure the Mallachi Brothers improvised the script as they went along filming this nonsense. The handful of characters (100 passengers, my ass… More like 12 to 15) don't have a clue what they're doing or saying and one of them even mistakes a giant snake for an iguana. And it's boring. Don't ask me how a shoestring-budgeted film revolving on snakes in an isolated setting manages to be boring, but it is. The last couple of minutes are fun, but only if you're severely intoxicated.

There are spoilers but trust me, I'm doing you a favor.My friends and I like to watch crappy movies every so often. Inspired by Mystery Science Theater and our knack for on the spot jokes; We set out to find movies worth watching that are in fact...not worth watching. However trouble comes into paradise when these movies can only be found if you buy them. And I am a firm believer in not giving one cent to such a group of talentless scumbags. So, as another reviewer has said, films like this are a reason why downloading movies for free should be legalized. I prefer the idea of; instead of straight to VIDEO you have straight to INTERNET. That way the ass-bags who made this travesty won't ever turn a profit. Which unfortunately you know they do. They hire a bunch of actors who can't act, special effects from a high school classroom, rubber snakes you can get at the dollar store, constant vomiting of green jell-o, and the two main characters who seem to switch between being border jumping Mexicans who only speak Spanish, to Arabs to being 100% fluent in English, random nudity, a guy being shot like 10 times including one to the side of the head and living and the most retarded ending in the history of film, book, cave drawings and hustler magazine. The fact that I actually predicted that the jell-o puking snake girl would actually TRANSFORM into a snake about half way through terrifies me...Anyways, the movie is great to make fun of, but you have to make sure there's at least 4 of you and you're all spitting out jokes in rapid fire, because if there's even 1 second of watching this movie where you're not laughing your ass off, you will feel physically ill. I kid you not. My friends and I were eating chicken wings and now I can't even look at such a thing anymore without being reminded of this piece of Sh!t.This film is one above Alien Vs. Hunter which is by far the second worst movie ever made. And I've seen lots of bad movies. Incidentally, it's the same production company as this film and that bald guy is in both as well. just thought you might like to know that little fun fact. -100 out 0f 10.