Undescribable Perfection

Just perfect...

At first rather annoying in its heavy emphasis on reenactments, this movie ultimately proves fascinating, simply because the complicated, highly dramatic tale it tells still almost defies belief.

It is an exhilarating, distressing, funny and profound film, with one of the more memorable film scores in years,

I really wish this lame series of alleged horror at the hands of a rather sad looking scarecrow would come to a definite end, as each additional sequel has seemingly less budget, less story and less reason for existing.Movie starts with some girl running frantically through a corn field, getting herself lost in the process and ends up with a sliced throat for her trouble. She's lucky that's all she got as usually running through corn like that would normally cut you to pieces, but whatever.We then switch to a college campus where freshmen are being hazed by jerk wads in the shower block. Coach comes in yells at them for hazing, they promise not to do it and as soon as his back is turned they do it anyway, however this time they decide to pile these guys into the back of a truck and drive them to a haunted corn field. One of the guys being hazed is a diabetic but no one knows this yet and in a rage, he lashes out and accidentally punches one of the girls in the face. He gets lashed to the scarecrow, doused in beer and ends up in a coma. At some stage, the scarecrow uses this guys life-force or something to come back to life and proceeds to kill the remaining freshmen who were left in the cornfield to fend for themselves.The scarecrow then sets off to find the rest of the college fools and their girlfriends who have all gone to the beach while schools out. Forget what you see in the title; this has nothing to do with the scarecrow crashing Spring Break and randomly killing naked college girls. Nor does the scarecrow "terrorise" a resort town. This isn't even Spring Break, it's one carload of idiots who go to the beach to play volleyball for a day. Somehow the scarecrow has tracked them down and naturally one by one begins picking them off. A couple of them soon realise that the scarecrow is somehow linked to their comatose friend, who's now in a local hospital, and they have to try and wake him up in order to sever the link. In the end, during yet another fight for life, the scarecrow transfers into another college student, impales itself on a nearby crucifix, credits roll and movie then ends up in the bin.I wouldn't have minded this so much if it actually bothered to make any sense at all but every person and virtually every scene is so goddamned moronic! As a side note, the trailer for this movie is far better than the movie itself. I already knew that I was never going to care for anyone who got killed, but the one thing I was hoping for was that the scarecrow would do his murderous job and just get it over with. There's no suspense and every single death is practically broadcasted before it happens. I still don't know how you can be the only person on a stretch of beach and lose sight of your friends who are on the same beach; they're the only ones there, are you all short-sighted? Also after the scarecrow has managed to easily disembowel one of the guys without making a sound, the girl who stands there screaming gets caught and dragged along the beach, towards the rest of the group I might add, screaming all the way until she gets her head crushed under a rock; yet no one else sees or hears anything. The group is being whittled down and no one seems to notice, interestingly no one even bothers to go looking either. In another stupid scene the scarecrow in driving a truck right towards another one of the girls but instead of, oh I don't know, jumping out of the way, running, hiding or anything a normal person would do, she just stands there screaming her head off. When will these girls learn that screaming at something is pointless? What was the scarecrow going to do? Oh no, she's screaming at me, I better stop the truck and listen to NPR instead" I guess this may have been fun to make for the people involved, but just like home movies, the only people who'd enjoy watching it, are those who were in it. Give this a miss.

1. The Largest Amount of Money Spent was on the package of hot dogs they put on that guy's stomach, the ones that were supposed to be intestines. 2. Ken Shamrock is in it. 3. Ken Shamrock gets destroyed. (he doesn't die which is sad.) 4. It leaves you wanting more... aspirin. 5. The makers of the film are the kind of people who don't care what their monster looks like. "Just give him a $30 mask." "Good enough for me." 6. The Scarecrow RUNS A CHICK OVER. AWESOME. 7. The film-makers don't actually make their actors sing or play the guitar. 8. The Scarecrow uses a volleyball pole as a javelin and impales the dude who doesn't actually play the guitar or sing. 9. The Scarecrow can choke a dude in like 3 seconds. 10. It makes you actually think of all these things and write them down for other people. god what am i doing.

So me and my friend are carousing our local movie rental store and are looking for something to pick up to go along with Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, so why not pick up the third installment in the Scarecrow series!?! Keep in mind that this is not just Scarecrow Three; this is, Scarecrow: Gone Wild. Now both of us had seen to the first two Scarecrows so we felt obligated to finish the job. Let's start with the cover of the DVD first. First we notice a picture of Ken Shamrock ("The World's Most Dangerous Man") on the cover. Apparently he was used to market the movie as the "lead actor". By the way, he has the least screen time of any member of the credited class. Next we notice a picture of a very attractive and very scantily clad woman in the middle ground of the cover. I can assure you that she is not in the movie....at all. At the time of rental we assumed that this was to reiterate the fact that the scarecrow was "going wild". In the background we noticed a large carnival on an island out in the ocean. I can also assure you that the carnival is also not in the movie...at all. Looking back me and my friend should have known something was up. I mean really, who the heck puts a carnival on an island. Now on to the actual movie. We start when a young man is inexplicably fused to a scarecrow in the middle of a corn field. Don't ask me how they were fused but think of when Brandon Lee waking up from the dead in The Crow. It's just that stupid. But in the scarecrow's defense, he has "gone wild". Anyhoo, the scarecrow, who now lives vicariously through the young man, takes a trip to his local beach to brutalize those who had done him wrong. Because yes, in the world of The Scarecrow, beaches are conveniently located in the same general vicinity as cornfields. To make a long story short the scarecrow kills all who stand in his path without any warning except for the scarecrow's trademark whistle that signals a slashing. This is however rather impossible to believe because the scarecrow's costume's mouth is clearly sewn shut. Several tracking shots that would make Kubrick roll over in his grave later, and we have one of the worst third installments in a series ever. Well except for maybe the third Matrix. As Joel Siegel would say, "This Scarecrow is wildly bad."

My roommate and I have another friend that works at a local Blockbuster Video. He finds truly awful movies for us and tells us about them. One of them was a "Christmas Horror" film starring former professional wrestler Bill Goldberg as a killer Satna Claus. We didn't watch it immediately, but we didn't think there could be anything worse. Apparently, we were wrong. We were shown this slasher film "starring" Ken Shamrock versus a murderous scarecrow. At first we thought Ken would actually BE the killer scarecrow, and that's why we wanted to watch, but he wasn't, and that made the movie even worse. What absolutely RUINED the movie was the teen drama. If you want to save your brain cells from trying to escape from your head, NEVER EVER WATCH THIS MOVIE.