Touches You

Please don't spend money on this.

Let me be very fair here, this is not the best movie in my opinion. But, this movie is fun, it has purpose and is very enjoyable to watch.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

Shy and lonely telemarketer Jackie (a fine and sympathetic performance by the fetching Gabriella Hall) inherits her late grandfather's magic castle. Jackie discovers a special formula that enables her to transform into lovely, but lethal and predatory psycho nymphomaniac Jacqueline Hyde (splendidly played with lip-smacking wicked and alluring aplomb by the gorgeous Blythe Metz). Writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky relates the clever and engrossing story at a steady pace, adroitly crafts an intoxicating erotic atmosphere (the sequence in which Jacqueline visits a strip club on the prowl for a private dance rates as a definite steamy highlight), delivers oodles of delicious bare distaff skin and sizzling soft-core sex, manages a few strong moments of genuine nerve-wracking suspense, and pulls off a truly surprising and unexpected climax. Moreover, Kanefsky uses the inspired premise to smartly explore serious issues concerning the worth women place on physical appearance and attractiveness, plastic surgery, and the potential dangers of unleashing one's heretofore repressed sexual id. The cast make the most out of the quirky material: Hall and Metz both do sterling work in the leads, Jeremy Ordaz contributes a likable portrayal as nice guy Philip Clark, Rebekah Ellis registers well as hot blonde neighbor Becky, and Eve Derrek is a yummy treat as enticing stripper Star. Paul Deng's slick and stylish cinematography gives the picture a pleasing glossy sheen. Christopher Ferrell's elegant score hits the moody spot. Worth a watch.

One thing that came across to me in watching this film is that it was fun/exciting for the cast and crew; I could sense that they were going up against the budget constraint with enthusiasm & dedication because they apparently liked the people involved. I tend to like B movies that are original and have heart, and I think this is one such work. The actors seem to me to be putting there hearts in it more than usual, maybe because of some good direction from the lead actress/director, and they evidently were clear enough in their parts of the story to make a coherent, watchable piece of art. The critiques of this film that more or less say, "why not just rent a hardcore porn movie," make the point as to why they didn't like the film. Going to this film hoping for a lot of T&A without patience for the material of the plot is why it is so unenjoyable for them. One could say the movie is more of a romantic work than a softcore porn movie, even though I take it the star has done her share of soft porn. I think she graduated. In terms of the writing, the dialog is not a huge part of the movie, like in a Tarentino film, but the plot is decent and the twists are original and sometimes fun. Particularly the ending is not a disappointment but a pleasure, with the villianess/heroine and the "leading man" learning from their complex web of feelings. I understand that the producer got a 3 film deal out of this. Hats off for proving a few tens of thousands of dollars can go pretty far if you have some artistic sensibility and pride. Gabriella and the other girls with scenes of nudity were likable along with being hot, not just airhead bimbos, so as an erotic science fantasy piece with some gorgeous nude art, even with the limits of B-movie land, not disappointing.

Anyone who critiques 'Jacqueline Hyde' as anything more than the playful and undeniably erotic romp that it's intended to be is just not playing with a full deck. Just from the title, it's obvious that this low budget horror comedy isn't meant to be taken seriously... it's as tongue in cheek as a nympho's french kiss, and just as titillating. The female cast members are all great and fun to watch. Check this out, Rolfe Kanefsky is the clown-prince of soft-core horror. Unlike most soft-core horror flicks, this one is entertaining all the way through with charismatic and exceptionally attractive actresses. The movie doesn't even attempt to follow the storyline of the Robert Louis Stevenson classic, but instead seeks out every way possible to create risqué sight gags and erotic situations. Blythe Metz, the brunette femme fatale who portrays the sexier, homicidal side of Jacqueline, is a real knockout. Watch and enjoy!

Jacqueline Hyde starts like any other normal day for telemarketing individual Jackie Hyde (co-producer Gabriella Hall) until her boss (Robert Donovan) fires her for taking personal calls at work, however it's not all bad news as the call she took was from a lawyer informing her that her Grandfather (Malcolm Bennett) has recently died & that he left her his mansion & fortune (why doesn't stuff like that ever happen to me? Sigh). Very excited Jackie heads on over there & makes herself right at home, while looking for the thermostat late one night Jackie stumbles upon a secret room where her Grandfather stashes the bright red formula that he invented that allows whoever drinks it to change their appearance. Being a bit on the porky side Jackie finally settles on the glamorous Jacqueline (Blythe Metz), however Jackie's better looking alter-ego starts to take control...Written, co-produced & directed by Rolfe Kanefsky I thought Jacqueline Hyde was complete total & utter crap from start to finish & it's as simple & straight forward as that. According to the opening credits Jacqueline Hyde was 'inspired' by the classic Robert Louis Stevenson novel 'The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde', frankly if Mr. Stevenson could see what was being done to his story here he'd turn in his grave. For a start I think Jacqueline Hyde was/is intended to be a horror film, the IMDb certainly lists it as such but there isn't any horror in it at all apart from just how bad it is. I would say that Jacqueline Hyde is more a soft-core porno than anything else & extremely tame with it, why sit down & watch this softer than soft porno crap when you can watch you proper hard-core stuff that actually delivers the goods? Why, that's the question I ask here. It's not even good porn either, besides being far too soft it's dull, boring & the not-worth-mentioning sex scenes are few & far between. The most intelligent aspect of this film is the title which would have been quite clever if not for the fact that another film used the Jacqueline Hyde (1998) title during the last century & judging by the IMDb's plot summary it sounds a hell of a lot better than this piece of rubbish. This is one of those films you have to watch yourself to see just how bad it is but just hope that you never get the opportunity.Director Kanefsky was obviously working on a low budget but that's not an excuse these days, shot on a digital camcorder the film looks cheap & the few instances of CGI look like they came from a Nintendo Gameboy, the final 'shocking' twist has probably the worst morph effect I've ever seen & is pretty good for a laugh as is the scene when Jackie's breasts grow via more terrible CGI. That's another thing, the film takes itself far too seriously. The subject matter sucks, is far too predictable & makes for a poor film but maybe if the dialogue had been intentionally funny with some dirty porn talk the film might have been more fun to watch, alas it isn't so it isn't. Forget about any decent horror, violence or gore as there isn't any apart from a surprisingly bloodless decapitation at the end.Technically Jacqueline Hyde is home made film type stuff, the photography is of the flat hand held point-&-shoot variety, the music, production design & special effects are of a suitably low standard to match the script. The acting was awful, seriously this is bad.Jacqueline Hyde in my opinion a load of crap, there is not one positive thing about this turgid film that I can think of. Any proper film lover will have an almost impossible time trying to find any redeeming value in this crap, definitely one to avoid.