The Worst Film Ever

the audience applauded

I wanted to but couldn't!

This is one of the few movies I've ever seen where the whole audience broke into spontaneous, loud applause a third of the way in.

Keeper, The (2004) * 1/2 (out of 4) Lifeless thriller about a deranged cop (Dennis Hopper) who kidnaps a stripper (Asia Argento) and holds her hostage so that he can teach her how to be good. You'd think having Hopper play a nut and Argento a stripper that some magic would surface but that's not the case as this thriller lacks any suspense and instead enters the "so bad it's mildly entertaining" level. The badness of the screenplay and dialogue allows for plenty of unintentional laughs. Both Hopper and Argento are good in their roles but I really wish the screenplay had done more with their talents. The direction is pretty bad so this here is for fans of the actors only.

Now, I have not seen Black Snake Moan, but I have seen enough trailers for the film to know that there isn't an ounce of difference in the stories. Instead of Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci, we have Dennis Hopper and Asia Aregento (Land of the Dead).Hopper is a cop who picks up stripper Argento after she is attacked and takes her home to his basement where he has a cell. Now, how many people have a cell in their basement? Hold up your hands. A sure sign that this guy is a nut job.He is going to make her change her ways. Yeah, right.When he is not preaching to her, he is playing some Depty Dawg dress-up for the kiddies. Helen Shaver is a producer that wants to take him national. OK, release the nut job on all of us.As the movie progresses, our worst fears are realized and we find that he really is a nut job because of his mommy. You say that coming, right? Bottom line: If you are going to have a movie about a stripper that takes a shower and gets attacked, then we need to see something to keep us interested. There is nothing here folks!

The reason for buying this DVD was that Dennis Hopper plays a lead role in the movie. Dennis Hopper is the kind of actor that can make a poor scenario work. One of the best parts he ever did was in True Romance, by Quentin Tarentino. The 10 minutes of his appearance in that movie are classic! The Keeper has some exciting parts that make up for the poor way (I think) in which the plot unravels... Why is deputy Burns sitting at a computer for hours with the same material on it??? The Keeper is an easy to watch movie and therefore simple entertainment. Because of the good acting by Dennis Hopper and Asia Argento I give this movie a 7-, although next time I want to see Dennis in a 10+ movie again!

Whilst this film may not be the best I have ever seen it is FAR from the worst.The acting is not bad at all. There is nothing wrong with the plot. I think it is worth a watch and doesn't deserve some of the comments here.Asia Argento is gorgeous as always and Dennis Hopper plays the cop just right. If you want to see a really bad move watch "Def by Temptation"!!! The Keeper is actually an OK movie. It might not win any Oscars but it is certainly no turkey.