Touches You

the audience applauded

As Good As It Gets

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties. It's a feast for the eyes. But what really makes this dramedy work is the acting.

Actually the title itself is a sufficient enough reason to stay clear of this movie. I watched it, though, in the slight hope that it might actually turn out to be a decent slasher movie. But no, it was quite the opposite.The story is very simple and generic; a group of young women get trapped in the middle of nowhere with a deviant killer on the rampage."Bikini Girls On Ice" was an entertaining as it was original, enough said. The murderer is no next Jason, Freddy or Michael that is fore sure. In fact you will have forgotten about him immediately when the movie ends. And as for the actual killings, well nothing out of the ordinary, a shame because it could have been what salvaged the movie.All throughout the movie the girls were in bikinis, hence the title. Yeah, I know that it might appeal to a large group of guys, but it was just idiotic. Why would people run around in bikinis during night time? So these women could bring mobile phones but not clothes? It was just so pathetically lame.If you, like me, enjoy a good and entertaining slasher movie, then do yourself a favor and stay well clear of "Bikini Girls On Ice". I suffered through it so you don't have to.

Why do we watch slashers? To see beautiful girls and original killings. Unfortunately this movie lacks in the second department. Leave aside the originality, you can't even see the killings properly. Because the shots are done from the victim's perspective so all you see is some sweaty mad man bashing people with several tools, without a clear reason or back story. And that's pretty much it. No gore, no blood, nothing! Just some stupid half naked characters running around like a headless chicken and getting offed one by one by this mad mechanic.Lol at the genius writer/director, why did you even bother shooting a slasher if you are not going to show us the killings, eh? This Geoff should just flip burgers instead of shooting movies, for the sake of the genre and our sanity. Please Geoff, stay 10 miles away from the camera and go write children's books if you have an itch to scratch. Apparently shooting a horror/slasher is way beyond your skills and imagination.

If you are a horror geek you can't get a better title than Bikini Girls On Ice. One reason to give Geoff Klein (director and writer) a big cheer. Secondly, they knew how to promote their slasher, put a girl on the cover of the DVD wearing a revealing bikini, another cheer. So far the good points, sadly it's down hill from here on. It's really a slasher but one we have seen a thousand times. Nothing is explained about the killer, not who he is or why he's killing or why he use ice. Of course, once the girls have a break down with their bus on the way to a bikini car wash they've been warned by a local that something is terrible wrong with the abandoned gas station. The killer itself is believable but there is no gore in it. It's all filmed from the view of the victim so you only see him hitting and smashing heads. Now and then you see a bit of blood spurting on the lens. Just at the end it is enjoyable due the suspense given. And then there are of course the girls. Admit it, you not only watched it for the horror but also for the juggs. And it's a bit flat (no pun intended) on that way too. With a title like that you expect that the bikini's will be removed, well I have to disappoint you freaks, just one girl show her titties. And talking about their boobs, I guess the Americans will be disappointed by the 'natural' breasts by the girls. For the other geeks worldwide, there are no two-a penny fake tits wannabees. Maybe Suzi Lorraine has fake ones, she's the most loaded of them all. And have a look, the title really worked, I'm talking more about that than about the horror.

Bikini Girls on Ice starts as a group of several teenage college friends prepare to raise some funds by holding a bikini car wash where several hot teenage girls wearing very revealing bikini's will wash your car, for money. Brother's Blake (Tarek Gader) & Tommy (Ivan Peric) have laid on the transport, an old school bus that breaks down on the way to wherever they are going. Stuck at an old, seemingly abandoned gas station the girls decide to hold their bikini car wash there to make the best out of a bad situation. However all is not well as a psycho mechanic gas station attendant named Moe (William Jarand) start to kill them all one by one...This Canadian production was co-written, co-produced & directed by Geoff Klein & is really scraping the bottom of the barrel in terms of entertainment value, basically Bikini Girls on Ice is one of the most simplistic & pointless films I can remember seeing. Even as a teen slasher Bikini Girls on Ice is shallow, a group of good looking teens, most of whom are virtually naked save for some skimpy bikini's, break down in an isolated area & then start getting killed by some psycho. Character background is none existent, we know the girls are friends but other than that they are cardboard cutouts, the killer is just a guy who doesn't say anything & whenever he kills someone he puts their body in ice for no apparent reason, we never discover who he is or why he is a psycho killer or even how he manages to keep a job as a mechanic down & the ending which suggest a sequel is baffling, I mean didn't one of the girls make it out alive? Didn't she like tell the police that some psycho killed all her friends? At only 80 minutes long Bikini Girls on Ice still drags badly, nothing & I repeat nothing happens between the killing & once the gimmick of seeing the female cast walking around in bikini's becomes boring there is zero else here to enjoy. There's no plot, there's no explanations, no reasoning & dumb character's you don't care about along with several groan inducing moments like the girls opening the car trunk at the end (how did Moe get inside the trunk, close it & return the keys to the gas station for the girls to find?), why when Moe attacks them don't the girls get back in the car & drive off after they injure him?The gore & kill scenes fail to impress & are pretty poor too, almost all of the murders are Moe hitting someone with something but the way the murders are shot it's filmed from the perspective of the victim so it just looks like Moe is hitting the camera lens & while there's a bit of blood splatter there's nothing graphic here apart from a gory slit throat which gushes blood is the films only proper special effect. Despite the title & obvious exploitation roots there's no real nudity, I think only one girl gets nude while the other's manage to keep their bikini's on. I will say that Bikini Girls on Ice is well made though, it has a certain slick look that isn't going to win any awards for style but looks polished.Filmed in Montréal in Québec in Canada the production values are better than expected but the film still sucks. The acting isn't great, the girls look nice enough but that's the best thing I can say about them.Bikini Girls on Ice has a great sounding title (the sort of title Troma would have dreamed up) but as a film it's the pits, the plot is as bare bones as they come, even for a teen slasher & it's nowhere near exploitative enough with little or no gore & not much in the way of proper nudity either.