To me, this movie is perfection.

Best movie ever!

When a movie has you begging for it to end not even half way through it's pure crap. We've all seen this movie and this characters millions of times, nothing new in it. Don't waste your time.

The acting in this movie is really good.

This film has one similarity to "The Story of O" -- female submissiveness is demanded by a dominant, macho male. And the female submits. Surprising to see such a politically incorrect film being supported by Madonna. But then again, maybe it's not so surprising. This film is also slightly similar to "Overboard" (with Goldie Hawn) -- from Hell. It lies somewhere between a comedy and a tragedy. (Well, in truth, it's 100% tragic, with few if any redeeming qualities.) The main question I have about this film is: "What were they THINKING?!!!" I haven't found an answer to that question yet, and I probably never will. And honestly, it's not even worth the time to try to figure it out. They obviously didn't care a hoot about this shipwreck, so why should the viewer? (It's a good thing Madonna had such a successful musical career, because if she had to rely on her acting career she'd starve to death.)

I want my money back, although I spent zero dollars to see this movie. Because after seeing this movie or the 15 minutes of the movie that I could stand before I had to turn it off; I felt cheated, like I had just purchased a defective product, and I would like to be reimbursed plus interest. Now, I realize that zero dollars typically accrues zero percent interest, but surely those 15 minutes of my life have a cash value; that's time out of my life I'll never get back and as I'm getting closer to the end of my life, surely we can base the interest off of how each moment of my life grows more precious as I approach the grave. I WILL ACCEPT A CHECK.

Swept Away (2002) * (out of 4) Guy Richie's remake of the 1974 classic has Madonna playing the rich woman who finds herself on a deserted island with a poor Italian farmer (Adriano Giannini) who decides to turn the tables and teach her what it really means to be a worker. SWEPT AWAY got killed by the critics and often times I think critic and fans are too harsh on remakes. It seems that most of the time the remake is just beaten to death simply because it dared to remake a great film. This here is in no way, shape or form better than the original. We can just throw that out right now and there's no question that there's not a single thing here better than the previous film. With that out of the way, there's also no question that we're left with a really bad movie. It seems a lot of people want to blame Madonna for the film's disastrous quality but she only deserves part of the blame. The majority has to go to her then husband Richie who doesn't do anything right here. Everything feels rushed. The movie has no laughs or romance. Nothing that happens is believable. The entire picture just has a rather cheap feel to it. There's nothing here that works in regards to the technical stuff. The only thing that saves this from being a complete bomb is the performance by Giannini who is the son of the actor who played the same part in the original. He's certainly not as good as daddy but I thought he was very much watchable and at least gave it his all. The performance would have been greatly used in a better movie but sadly everything around him is just bad. This includes the performance by Madonna. Who knows why she even thought she could do anything with this role but she's not believable when she's being the mean rich woman and she's not believable in any form that this character changes into. The two just don't have any chemistry together but a lot of the blame here can go towards the director and screenplay. There's some nice visuals but a monkey could put a camera in a beautiful location and it would still look great. SWEPT AWAY is a really bad movie but at the same time it's bad enough to where fans of bad movies should at least get a kick out of it.

From Madonna's then husband Razzie winning director Guy Ritchie (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Revolver, Sherlock Holmes), I had heard negative things about this film, mostly about the leading actress, so I was dying to see how bad it was, or whether I may disagree with the reviews. Basically Amber Leighton (Razzie winning - and nominated - Madonna) is the beautiful forty year old rich, spoilt and arrogant socialite, she is married to Tony (Eight Below's Bruce Greenwood) but nothing makes her happy. Her husband has taken her on a private cruise from Greece to Italy with two other couples, including with friends Marina (Basic Instinct's Jeanne Tripplehorn) and Debi (Meet Dave's Elizabeth Banks) and their other halves. She gets angry at all the slightest things on the ship, such as the food being served, and she seems to take all her anger out on first mate Giuseppe Esposito (Razzie nominated Adriano Giannini), and he is trying really hard to deal with it. When a storm forces Amber into a lifeboat, alongside Giuseppe, both of them wind up stranded in the middle of the ocean, and eventually swept away shipwrecked on a deserted tropical island. Giuseppe sees this as an opportunity to get his own back on the woman who has been bossing him around and making him really stressed, he forces her to become his slave and do washing, cleaning and fetching to earn caught food and water to drink. He is for a while very forceful and unforgiving towards Amber, but slowly as they spend more time waiting for help together they are developing feelings for each other, to the point when they have fallen in love. There is a point when one or the other think that going back to their lives on land is a mistake and it will tear them apart, but eventually this does have to happen for the sake of their survival. In the end they are indeed rescued by a ship, and Amber is forced to go back to her not very happy husband, while Giuseppe is heartbroken with his unsuccessful plan to propose to her. Also starring David Thornton as Michael, Michael Beattie as Todd, Yorgo Voyagis as Captain and George Antoni, Mr. Quereshi from Harry Hill's TV Burp as Chef. Many people will say that the only good acting Madonna has done is in Desperately Seeking Susan and Evita, and all say this is among the worst of her attempts, I didn't think she was completely awful, I thought in fact her character suited her, i.e. bitchy and self centred (like she can be), I agree with the critics Giannini does well getting his own back on her as the "master", but most of the other cast members, including reliable Tripplehorn and Greenwood hardly do much at all. The story I will agree is not all that original, it only came two years after Tom Hanks was Cast Away, so it is essentially the same sort of film, but with two people, no plane crash, and a hut on the island LOL, but there was a part of me that liked what was going on, I can see some of the reasoning for low ratings, but I didn't think it was an awful romantic comedy drama. It won the Razzie for Worst Picture, Worst Remake or Sequel, Worst Screen Couple for Giannini and Madonna, and it was nominated for Worst Screenplay, Worst 'Drama' of Our First 25 Years and Worst Picture of the Decade. Adequate!