brilliant actors, brilliant editing

It is a whirlwind of delight --- attractive actors, stunning couture, spectacular sets and outrageous parties.

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

A soccer star jailed for assault leads a group of inmates in a match against prison guards. Mean Machine boasts one of Vinnie Jones best perfomances to date since he stops acting all weird and crazy but more like an actual person, David Kelly was pretty good as well and Jason Statham as Monk? all crazy and buffed the man did an insane amount of great job. If you loved Snatch you're going to love this movie as well since it's from the same producer plus it's pretty funny and edgy and definitely a great comedy, prison, drama flick that definitely suprises.. (9/10)

To begin, one must discuss our protagonist, Vinnie Jones. Such a diverse actor allows this film to truly play to his strengths. At one point, I thought he was going to cry, but of course not - he is a man. Invariably, other than the truly great performance of Mr. Danny Dyer, the best caricature performed by diverse acting quality, the stand out performer is Jason 'The Monk' Statham.In his three glorious lines of dialogue, Statham esquire (our god) gives an incredible embodiment of an accent from some vague region in the north. It was only after following upon further research on the great man that one discovered that rather to my great surprise his locale was not of such an area, but instead of midland descent. Arguably, one may consider that 'The Stath' does not need lines, but instead is brought alive by a script that relies on the expressive capability of his face. This gives brevity and a continual sincerity to his humble beginnings.The prior reciprocity displayed between both Jones and Statham adds a great deal of gravitas and a hapticity that one can truly grasp, much like this very review. Their footballing credentials whilst at grammar school (1978-1983) therefore supports the particular bond depicted on screen. Statham's career in diving is substantially exhibited by his abs which are clearly shown in his inaugural scene. These are quite simply hewn from obsidian, and connote a particular majesty in his on screen presence. Criticisms with the film are few, but fraught. In particularity, the scene of a coital nature between Vinnie 'Mean Machine' Jones and the governor's receptionist is quite frankly appalling. More needs to be made of Statham's abs and moreover his truly masculine body art. Also the governor's eyebrows require their own role and are wasted on such trivial application. Despite this, the film is literally perfect. This is delineated through a true stamp of quality - the Umbro branding, which is extraordinarily consistently prominently well placed. In summary, this film personifies the true nature of English heritage and the argument that Jason Statham is indeed on his way to becoming a true national treasure, such as Gary Lineker. This film indeed (re)devines the vernacular of modern day sporting cinema and such should be inducted into the cinematic hall of fame. A must for viewers of all ages, especially lovers of art house theatre.-Da Boiz-

Having never seen Burt Reynolds in The Longest Yard you won't have to listen to me compare the two, with that said,, I loved the all British ensemble cast ,, Jason Statham obviously did a nice job ,, but to me Mr. Vinnie Jones steals the show, I love him in everything he's in it seems.. this movie is about a national soccer hero who screws up in a major championship game is ridiculed by his countrymen,, winds up in prison,, and organizes a soccer game between the inmates and the guards. stirring and compelling look at prison life in a foreign country as opposed to most movies where it's all based in the United States of America. I love all of the British accents, the scenery in the movie is also very nice, above average picture , story of one man leading a group of men to a greater cause, in an otherwise dreary everyday existence.

I knew this title mainly because of the lead actor, and that it had football involved somewhere, so I watched it. Basically ex-England football captain Danny 'Mean Machine' Meehan (Vinnie Jones) is in jail for drunken driving and assault on two police officers, but because of his celebrity status he isn't much liked by all the other inmates, especially as he let them down in a crucial World Cup game. He keeps his head down for a little while until the opportunity to change the lives of the prisoners by putting one over on the guards. Led by Danny, the prisoners are trained ready to face the guards in a football match. So it comes to the match, and not even the death of Doc (David Kelly) gets them down, and they start really well. There is a point when Danny is threatened by the Governor (David Hemmings) that he could get a longer sentence, as he might have been involved in Doc's death, but he knows they have to win, and it is after they win that opponent Burton (Cape Wrath's Ralph Brown) gets him out of trouble to enjoy victory. Also starring Creep's Vas Blackwood as Massive, Robbie Gee as Trojan, Geoff Bell as Ratchett, Footballer's Wives' John Forgeham as Charlie Sykes, Smack the Pon's Sally Phillips as Tracey, Danny Dyer as Billy the Limpet, Jason Statham as Monk, Omid Djalili as Raj and Jason Flemyng as Bob Likely. Jones is a good rough character, and all the supporting actors, particularly Hemmings, Sykes and Statham add good support, while it takes a little while to get to, the football game, well, and maybe a little of the training for it, is fun to watch, a real boys movie. Good!