Just what I expected

If you don't like this, we can't be friends.

Excellent but underrated film

Pretty good movie overall. First half was nothing special but it got better as it went along.

If you would like your brain to seize from a combination of nonsense, saccharine, and pity for the relatively famous actors phoning their way through one of the worst films you've ever seen, please watch Thomas and the Magic Railroad, a movie I'm ashamed I have the authority to dub easily the worst of the Thomas universe movies. One reels imagining the piles of drugs and vats of alcohol that Alec Baldwin and Peter Fonda (whose outstanding performance as a chronically depressed man who only wants to love the female train whom he failed to protect decades ago will leave you saying "...what?") consumed to get through this ordeal. Hopefully, the same was not necessary for Mara Wilson, slumming it up with her B+list brethren. Unwatchable for the intelligent youth (upon hearing of the cinematic horror I encountered, a work colleague said that his 4/5 year old son summed it up, "Dad, the story didn't even make any sense!"), but good enough for my kid, apparently. Blondie McMagicNephewOrWhateverOfAlecBaldwin is actually kinda trying, and Didi Conn does not shame herself. But these efforts cannot make a dent...Alec Baldwin talking like an insane person to a non-sentient bat and ball is a low point in a movie made entirely of nadirs.

Like my reviews for Fred the Movie and Beverly Hills Chihuahua, I have absolutely nothing to say for the summary of my review. Why are Alec Baldwin and Peter Fonda in a stupid and brainless movie like this one? This isn't Toy Story, this is Thomas the freaking Tank Engine! Well, Thomas the Tank Engine was one of my childhood favorites and I always watched it on video. But, I have one question I got stuck in my head ever since I watched the trailer: HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO MAKE A MOVIE OUT OF A TRAIN WHOSE LIPS DON'T EVEN MOVE AT ALL?!!! First of all, Peter Fonda is too freaking depressing to be in a kid's movie like this! Don't ever let this guy star in a remake of the 1980's Pound Puppies cartoon series anytime soon. And then there's Alec Baldwin, who plays a conductor who looks like he's high on crack and screams "Sparkle, Sparkle, Sparkle!". Is it me or is this "Sparkle, Sparkle, Sparkle" phrase infecting people after they watched the Nostalgia Critic episode reviewing this movie? Then, there's Marla Wilson, who smiles with her mouth open throughout the whole movie. I swear this girl looks like she has autism or Aspergers! There's a whole lot more, but I'm going to wrap up this review: A horrendous script, generic music, crappy special effects, and Peter Fonda's depressing performance are the reasons why I hate this movie and why this movie should never, ever, ever, ever, EVER been made in the first place! And if you disagree, what kind of drugs were you on when you watched this movie?

Having a movie's page on Wikipedia up whilst watching it so that you can keep up with an excessively-convoluted plot is something that I and many other people had to do with 'Inception' and 'Primer', but I have to say that I never expected to have to do that while watching a movie based on 'Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends', aimed at preschoolers.To the best of my understanding; the film takes place across two parallel universes, the first being that inhabited by the anthropomorphic trains such as Thomas, and the second being the real world inhabited by, well, by us; by humans. Within Thomas' universe, the fat controller Sir Topham Hat has gone on vacation, leaving the Conductor in charge. In order to teleport between Thomas' universe and the real universe, the Conductor needs a supply of gold dust, and it's running out. If it was ever explained for what reason the Conductor needed to teleport between the two worlds, I'm afraid I missed it. Oh and for some strange reason, whenever he teleports to the real world, he appears as only about a foot tall. But I digress. Apparently there's another way to travel between the two worlds in the form of the eponymous magic railroad. Alas, the only train capable of traveling on it, named Lady, broke down years ago, and is kept in a cave in mountain where a melancholy old grandpa tends to it. In the meantime, a gang of evil diesel trains shows up in Thomas' world and starts scheming to destroy the steam trains. Their scheme involves making sure the Conductor's gold dust runs out, or finding the magic railroad, or... something.Does any of this make any sense to you? Because it didn't to me. Things become even more confusing and bizarre. There's something to do with a clue that will lead to a windmill. And something to do with magic buffers that lead to the railroad. And these two flowers on the ends of vines that, I swear to god, are used by the Conductor as a telephone for contacting the fat controller.How, anyone may ask, did a children's film end up as such an impenetrable, mixed-up mind-boggler? As I scrolled down on the aforementioned Wikipedia article, an answer was yielded. For one thing, the movie is actually not solely a Thomas the Tank Engine movie but a crossover between 'Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends' and an American TV series called 'Shining Time Station'. That, at least, should answer a few of the questions that British and Australian audiences might have. For another thing, rewrites. Apparently, this movie went through quite a troubled production. Originally running for an unbelievable 146 minutes, changes were made left and right that ranged from entire scenes and characters being cut to lines being re-dubbed on the patently absurd grounds that the original accents were "too offensive" or "too scary." Well, that's all there is to it. A potentially passable, innocent film ruined by behind-the-scenes nitpicking. Anyone who knows anything about movies knows how messing around too much with a script can eventually render the film in question incoherent. Just look at what happened with the 'The Stepford Wives' remake, and with 'Caligula'. (Dang, if there's one thing I never expected to do, it's mention 'Caligula' in a review of something pertaining to Thomas the Tank Engine).

Well, a Thomas movie has been made with a great cast and the version that we have was good, but could it have been better? The answer is yes. But it is still good the way it is. There is a nice plot that has everything one would want in a Thomas movie or any kids movie for that matter. What I don't like is how a good portion of the film is unreleased and may never be seen. But until I see the final cut, I think that one that we have now is good. It has the hero's quest, a determined bad guy, and things you can relate to. I liked it because it was a good interpretation of the character from the Thomas franchise and has an understandable plot. While I do hope for the full version of the movie, what we have now is good.