Better Late Then Never

best movie i've ever seen.

Exactly the movie you think it is, but not the movie you want it to be.

Through painfully honest and emotional moments, the movie becomes irresistibly relatable

Hot and improbably prim and virginal Sarah goes to hang out at her uncle's beach house in the company of her two ridiculously slutty friends (because prudish virgins always have slutty friends, right?). Enter boys, hot tubs, marijuana and incompetent coastguard patrols, and beach bonfires which get everyone high.This really is the most ridiculous tripe, but it does feature cute girls who take their tops off a lot and, in this, it is fairly typical of a vast number of titles from the late 70s and early 80s which went straight to video shops before the internet started to provide breasts in rather less innocent contexts.This is good natured, mildly saucy, and there is no harm in it.

The highest grossing film of 1982 was saccharine-sweet family sci-fi classic E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, but how many sexy young hotties did it feature? None, that's how many (I'm sorry but Drew Barrymore and Erika Eleniak were far TOO young to count, and Dee Wallace was too old). On the other hand, The Beach Girls is chock full of pert naked and semi-naked cuties making it hands down the superior film in terms of gratuitous T&A. In your face Spielberg!In fact, of all of the teenage sex comedies I've seen from the 80s, The Beach Girls has got to be one of the finest in terms of sheer quantity and quality of breasts, the number of scorching hot chicks willing to whip off their tops easily compensating for the film's dumb plot and desperate humour. The driving force behind this constant tirade of topless totty are best pals Ginger and Ducky (beautiful blonde Val Kline and brunette babe Jeana Keough) who visit their friend Sarah (Debra Blee) at her Uncle Carl's swanky beach property with the aim of partying hard all summer. Before long, there's a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals, although prudish Sarah is reluctant to join in the fun, keeping her plentiful assets under cover much to the frustration of hunky drifter Scott (James Daughton).The wild partying looks set to end earlier than planned when Uncle Carl arrives home unexpectedly after a tip off from nosy neighbour Mrs. Brinker (Mary Jo Catlett); however, Ginger and Ducky aren't about to give in without a fight and convince Carl to see things their way by seducing the lucky bloke. Another party is soon under way, and proves to be an even wilder affair than before thanks to the discovery of several bin liners full of weed washed up on the beach (having been dumped in a hurry by incompetent drug smuggler Captain Jack). Under the relaxing influence of the pot, and with more than a little encouragement from her friends, Sarah eventually sees the error of her ways, realises that life is too short to have inhibitions, and learns to have fun—by popping her top off to reveal her awesome rack and getting it on with a very lucky Scott on the beach. Don't you just love a film that comes with a valuable life lesson?This a lot of mindless fun, but don't make the mistake of thinking that all The Beach Girls has to offer is non-stop childish smut and teenage debauchery, 'cos you would be wrong: in addition to all the nudity and drug-related humour, the film also offers discerning viewers some truly surreal moments (a strangely out-of-place food fight gag and a talking bag of pot being quite bizarre), a silly secondary plot-thread featuring a bumbling coast-guard crew led by a captain who talks like Humphrey Bogart, a bit of frisbee action (admittedly from a woman with big tits), and Carl's Mexican gardener fighting his fiancé's Japanese chauffeur in a mud pit. So much more entertaining than a wrinkly alien and a flying bike, don't cha think?7.5 out of 10, rounded up to 8 for IMDb for the lovely Debra Blee, who reminded me a little bit of Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Debra Blee is Sarah the straight arrow bookworm tasked with housesitting for her uncle Carl (Adam Roarke). The fact that it is a fairly large estate on the beach makes it the ideal spot for the endless parties thrown by Sarah's polar opposite friends Ginger (Val Kline) and Ducky (Jeana Tomasina). Ginger and Ducky also bring a hitchhiking wanderer Scott (James Daughton) who seems to be interested in getting to know (in the biblical way of course) the shy Sarah. Meanwhile a drug deal gone bad leaves garbage bags filled with marijuana on the beach which are found by the girls and are kindly handed out to attendees of that night's celebration. Soon, Carl is notified by neighbors to return home immediately to put an end to the hijinks whereupon he becomes instantly smitten with the usually topless Ginger and Ducky. You get the jist.Don't expect "From Here to Eternity" as this is the typical early eighties beer, boobs and beach flick that doesn't require a strong storyline in order to display the next pair of breasts, though I'm not complaining. The women are all very attractive especially the voluptuous Sarah who finally shows off her wonderful assets toward the end of the movie. Ducky, played by Jeana Tomasina can be seen on "Housewives of Orange County" as a not so svelte anymore (Then again who is?) Jeana Keough. The sideplot involving Carl and the much younger Ginger and Ducky is too much to believe even for a silly movie like this. Why would these women saddle themselves with this old man when plenty of men their age are at their parties? Future Hugh Hefner "housemates" perhaps? All things considered watching this movie is like peeing in the ocean. It gave you quick relief and nobody has to know you did it.

I saw "The Beach Girls" when it first came out, at a drive in, with me and my buddy passing a bottle of raw bourbon between us, and it was fun. The movie was also memorable. It looks like the cast is having a good time, anyway. The great thing about "The Beach Girls" is that it's utterly unpretentious. The only moral it pretends to have is that the more sex and marijuana you have the happier you are. Story: Three girls get their talons on a beach house owned by some relative of one of them (I'm a bit vague on that point, but I think it's an uncle). The uncle and aunt (I think it's an aunt, but it's a fussy lady -- who cares?) are away, and the girls (one of the characters is limned by former Playboy Playmate Jeana Tomasina,"Up the Creek") decide to have a huge bash.Unfortunately, one of the girls has a severe hang-up: she's too frigid to have sex with her boyfriend. She boozes it up and enjoys the pot but can't seem to sum up the will power to go all the way with her horndog.The uncle comes back and lays down the law (Adam Roarke, the sole "big name" in the credits, trying desperately to give the flick some legitimacy) and the two girls to whom he is not related by blood (thank goodness) decide to seduce him and push joints on him to make him simpatico. The big lug falls for it. But what will happen when his wife (or the fussy lady, whoever she is) arrives? (remember, I saw this thing 20 years ago and it was the second part of the double feature and the straight bourbon was kicking in).Here's where the plot thickens. A drug running captain dumps his whole cargo of stash (which is in large hefty bags) and it washes up just outside the beach girls' house. They're not ones to look a gift horse in the mouth. It's like manna, man. But the captain wants it back (What's left of it)!SPOILER ALERT: Don't read this if you don't want to ruin the suspense: The captain locates the marijuana and he and his crew, armed with real bang-guns, come to get it back, right at the point where everyone, including the aunt (or whoever she is) and uncle, the cops, and anyone who happens to be passing by, is partying on the beach (partying seems to consist of bounding up and down on the balls of your feet and waving your arms like you're dancing, until couples break off for a little sex). The marijuana gets dumped on the bonfires and everyone mellows. The uptight girl has sex with her boyfriend, the captain and crew throw down their guns and party hearty with the cops . . . They all just mellow out and groove, just like the entire political philosophy of the Democrat Party in a nutshell. Nudity count: There are only two scenes with explicit nudity, one of Ms Tomasina, somewhat obscured by ropes but still good for 1982; and the other by Val Kline. Who is Val Kline? God only knows, she's probably doing good work with the lepers in Calcutta now, but she had one memorable movie role, and as she nears her fifties I hope she can look back at it with pride. You wait the whole flick for a single glimpse of Deborah Blee. This is what they made DVD for: stop motion.If you like the philosophy of casual sex with multiple partners and extensive drug use for teen-agers, you'll enjoy "The Beach Girls".