Touches You

The Worst Film Ever

A great movie, one of the best of this year. There was a bit of confusion at one point in the plot, but nothing serious.

It is neither dumb nor smart enough to be fun, and spends way too much time with its boring human characters.

When I purchased this movie from the Amazon market place, I had no idea that it was going to be one of those abysmal movies by The Asylum. And you know that as soon as you see their logo, that it is going to be one of those movies......and "Zoombies" was just exactly that. Don't get your hopes up, that way you will not be disappointed with this less than mediocre attempt at a foray in to a hitherto relatively unexplored zone of the zombie genre. Zombies and zoo animals, sure, why not?It might have worked out well enough on paper, but transferred to the screen, not so much. Well, it might actually have worked out well enough with some proper special effects and CGI. But no, that was not the case here. They were left with some questionable and shoddy CGI attempts at making zombified zoo animals, which mostly turned out to appear more like something you'd find in a "5 Nights at Freddies" game.The storyline was as simple and generic as they come. Actually to the point where it was just blatantly taking ideas from "Jurassic Park" at times. But it didn't help the movie one bit that the storyline and script was so inept and so poor. And it didn't really help to promote the movie either that the storyline was so predictable that you knew what would happen a mile away.As for the acting, well, let's just say that you know what you are getting with a movie such as this, and that way you don't get your hopes up for anything grand. But on a personal note, then I will say that I found the acting to be as rigid and unappealing as the characters were generic and one-dimensional.I was suckered in by a fairly interesting DVD movie cover. But, of course, you can't judge a movie by it's cover alone, for most of the times."Zoombies" was a foray into the zombie genre that attempted something new but failed most horribly. And as such, then it is a movie that you watch once, if you even get through the entire movie the first time. Trust me, you will not be watching "Zoombies" as second time around.These poorly animated zombified animals score a meager 4 out of 10 stars from me.

Zoombies(2016) Starring: Ione Butler, Andrew Asper, Lala Nestor, Kim Nielsen, Marcus Anderson, Brianna Joy Chomer, Ivan Djurovic, Aaron Groben, Kaiwi Lyman, William McMichael, Reuben Uy, Isaac Anderson, Tammy Klein, Cedric Jonathan, Joe Conti, Noa Pharaoh, Jennifer Titus, and Michael Delgado Directed By: Glenn Miller Review UNCAGED, UNDEAD Hello kiddies your pal the crypt-critic just visited the asylum and let me tell you the movies there just keep getting worse. When a strange virus quickly spreads through a safari park and turns all the zoo animals undead, those left in the park must stop the creatures before they escape and zombify the whole city. This is your typical asylum movie with a silly situation, with crazy killer animals and awful acting and cg that looks like if I made it on a computer. I hate this kind of film I'm just giving it a half out of five. Shocker right.

When a strange virus quickly spreads through a safari park and turns all the zoo animals undead, those left in the park must stop the creatures before they escape and zombify the whole city.Yes, the CGI is beyond deplorable. Yes, it comes from The Asylum, who have almost never made a good movie. And yes, it blatantly rips off "Jurassic Park" (though at least it acknowledges this). And yet, somehow, it manages to succeed as a so bad it's good movie.Unlike garbage like "Sharkansas Women's Prison Massacre", this film had a certain level of heart and humor. Few of the characters are likable, but it has an unpredictability to it that makes it fresh. And the way a child takes on a koala is... well, somewhat disturbing and yet hilarious.

There is a temptation to compare this to Sharknado in the whole 'so lame that it is cool' category of terrible movies. The problem is that while Sharknado utilises a stupid concept to make a movie that is pure trash but also pure awesome, Zoombies is mostly the trash part with very little awesome.There are clear comparisons to Jurassic World, but where that movie's shaky plot is made up for by big budget effects, cool set pieces and Chris Pratt, this movie has none of these, so it is just mostly rubbish.Sure there are some laughs at seeing actors pretend they are sitting on elephants and hanging from a rope (seriously how hard is it to actually shoot actors hanging from a rope - just put them on a rope a couple of feet above the ground), but overall it is far more cringe than amusement. Possibly good for a laugh if you are tired of all the other 'so lame it's cool' movies out there, but really this one is the pits.