Touches You

The Worst Film Ever

Really Surprised!

The movie turns out to be a little better than the average. Starting from a romantic formula often seen in the cinema, it ends in the most predictable (and somewhat bland) way.

This above-average "nature's rampage" horror flick beats Spielberg's ARACHNOPHOBIA in terms of hands-down scares - because here, the majority of the spiders are REAL ones instead of unconvincing fakes and special effects. Yep, somebody "borrowed" about 5000 tarantulas to make this movie and the effect is one of the most realistic man vs. beast movies out there. KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS is all you could hope for in a B-movie starring everyone's favourite thesp, William Shatner, and a cast of B-movie hopefuls.The plot concerns spiders which have to turn to larger food suppliers after farmers using DDT destroy most of their natural insect food. It has NOTHING to do with alien spiders, as the UK box cover bizarrely suggests. Although the film's structure adheres to the old strict template (minor deaths and mysteries followed up by a full-scale invasion), cult director John "Bud" Cardos (who also gave us THE DARK and MUTANT) takes time out for us to get to know - and care for - the principal characters involved in the antics. William Shatner takes the leading hero's role of a cowboy veterinarian (!) and his acting is pretty subdued here - at least, until the finale in which he is attacked by spiders and goes into a fit of over-acting or a scene where he skips down a road covered with the creepy-crawlies! Tiffany Bolling is the hard-headed female scientist who comes to investigate the mysterious deaths of cows (shown at the beginning in good, eerie scenes) and whose heart is soon melted by Shatner's charms. The only other actor of note is Woody Strode, who here puts in a touching show as a farmer who fears that his farm is going to get quarantined. The rest is your typical B-movie bunch, and fans will be glad to hear that there's a high death toll with literally dozens of folk falling victim to the invading arachnids.Although, as with most "nature's rampage" horror flicks from the past twenty years, there's a certain suspension of disbelief required to enjoy the on screen action, KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS offers us some truly great shocks and scares to rouse us from the inaction of the first half. There's a great shot of a spider-covered bull jumping suddenly at the camera, which is guaranteed to put anybody on the edge of the seat, and a frightening moment in which a pilot is attacked by spiders and crashes his plane into a building which explodes. However, the best part of the film is the last twenty minutes, the full-scale invasion which owes more than a nod to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD as the survivors board themselves up inside a roadside café and sit it out.There are many scenes of people being surrounded by/covered in spiders which work because these are real, moving spiders, not lousy special effects. The film briefly moves to the town where there's some large-scale chaos with cocooned bodies all over and people crashing their cars into water-towers which then collapses and kills yet more folk. Shatner himself has a suspenseful scene in the basement where he goes to fix a fuse and finds himself covered in the creepy crawlies and struggles for survival. This is classic stuff and a cut above the usual less-than-impressive invasion sequences in similar movies. The film ends with an ambiguous (sadly unconvincing) matte shot showing the entire town has been cocooned in a spider's web, and manages to be sufficiently eerie. KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS is a treat of a B-movie for genre fans and one of the more effective man-against-nature flicks out there.

The best scene and the best actor in the entire movie is the cow in the opening scene. That cow was the best and I think the cow should have got an Emmy and a Grammy award for that piece of acting. The cow genuinely acted scared in that opening scene. If anything this movie is worth watching just for the opening scene alone because of the cow. Next to the cow William Shatner is also amazingly funny and plays his part well. If you are afraid of spiders I would not recommend watching the movie because you might not get the comedy. I would recommend watching this movie with an open mind and not expecting a serious horror flick.

Top notch nature-on-the-rampage thriller takes its time getting started, but emerges a real grabber. It's extremely well directed (by John "Bud" Cardos), with lots of great animal action. It's solidly acted by a sturdy cast led by the almighty William Shatner. It builds to one hell of an intense "Night of the Living Dead" style climax, intercut with catastrophic scenes in the local town that makes one wonder how the characters can possibly hope to prevail. The onslaught of ferocious tarantulas is awe-inspiring.The Shat, at his charismatic best, plays "Rack" Hansen, amiable small town veterinarian who calls in big city entomologist Diane Ashley (70s B movie hottie Tiffany Bolling) when faced with the death of rancher Walter Colby's (Woody Strode) prize calf. She realizes that the cause of death was injection of spider venom. Soon scores of tarantulas swarm through the desert, attacking humans and other larger life forms basically because the over use of DDT has eliminated the arachnids' normal food supply.Shatner, Bolling, and the always excellent Strode are well supported by Lieux Dressler, David McLean, Natasha Ryan, Altovise Davis, Marcy Lafferty (Shatners' then-wife, playing his sister- in-law), Roy Engel, and Hoke Howell. The movie is nicely photographed by John Arthur Morrill on picturesque Arizona desert locations. The images of numerous extras covered with tarantulas - and webbing as well - is pretty chilling. There's a touch of "Jaws" in the screenplay by Richard Robinson and Alan Caillou in that the local mayor (Engel) doesn't want anything to hurt the success of the county fair going on. And the implications of that final shot are spooky.A very fine movie of its type.Eight out of 10.

A rural town is overwhelmed by a plague of deadly tarantulas whose toxicity and ferociousness have been engorged by a cocktail of crop accelerants in another nature turns feral episode. All the usual motifs and roadblocks are wheeled out with little in the way of innovation or originality in the formula applied. Despite the predictable treatment, Shatner is such an undeniably charismatic and affable leading man, and his quirky characterization and apparent chemistry with both the female leads (principally Bolling but also, perhaps understandably, real-life wife Lafferty) makes it hard not to forgive the makers of this shameless rip-off. But while not quite as tongue-in-cheek as his long-time small screen persona, Shatner does offer a few well timed laughs that lighten up proceedings, just when things seem to be getting a bit heavy.An equally likable supporting cast of relaxed characters (notably MacLean and Dressler) band together to combat the nemesis at the local bed and breakfast, but it seems the end is nigh for mankind. Director Cardos handles the subject matter well, bracing the audience for mild shocks and timing the suspense with aplomb.The dialogue incorporates the usual scientific gabble, with the lusty entomologist Bolling (momentarily disrobed, but alas, just a feint glimpse) hypothesizing on the cause of cattle deaths from apparent spider bites, and there's plenty of cheerful banter (some of which sounds improvised) between her and Shatner's rugged, gregarious vet in between grim discoveries. The ending might seem like the easy way out, avoiding the necessary plot complexities to manufacture a tidy outcome, and the country-western music a tad unfitting, still in all, it's agreeably light and entertaining, and distinguished by a likable cast of laid back larrikins.